


Picking Up The Pieces

by Oopsa_daisies



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alcohol, Arguments, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Toxic Relationships, iwaoi - Freeform, workplace harassment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:46:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27492148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oopsa_daisies/pseuds/Oopsa_daisies
Summary: Miko sighed “Tooru I don’t think we should stay together to be quite honest.”His stomach dropped. Miko started to cry, covering her eyes. She began to quiver slightly “I don’t wanna live in your best friend’s childhood home!”Tooru frowned “Miko… Hajime and I aren’t really even friends anymore.”Miko yelled this time, kicking her legs into the air like a child “You say his name every day! Every single fucking day! I don’t have a break from it, it’s either how you miss volleyball or how your knee hurts or how Hajime used to say this or used to say that," she spat through her teeth "from what I know he treated you like shit and I at least try to treat you better than that but to this day you still won’t stop talking about him and I can’t- I can’t handle this anymore!”
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Oikawa Tooru/Original Female Character(s), Shimizu Kiyoko/Tanaka Ryuunosuke
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	Picking Up The Pieces

**Author's Note:**

> My first fanfic, really it's a practice fic to get in a groove. Thanks to my friend Jay, half way through writing this I suddenly became involved with the cursed majesty of UshiOi, so since then I've just been trying to finish this fic to get to what I am more excited to write about haha. I still love this piece, it was fun, I would do a lot of things differently, I would plan and write better, I would check for more typos, but it's worth noting that this fic was written at the front desk of a volleyball gym, as well as my own desk, and I finished it while in the bath tub. 
> 
> I wanted to write something that made everyone a villain to everyone else, where no one is really good in their actions, where no one is perfect. It's not a perfect fic in itself, I wanted to flesh it out better, but in that cold aforementioned bath tub, I decided that I really wanted to start on something new.   
> Thank you!

  
  


🌼

**_Hey Let’s Get Married._ **

The overhead fan churned a gentle breeze into the stuffy bedroom, with a flick of a switch it lazily lulled back to its own slumber. 

Tooru hummed at the entrance of his bedroom, gazing back at the silhouette of his girlfriend. She laid in the sheets, soft milky skin shrouded by a cozy comforter. A dark damp spot lingered on the pillow beneath her parted lips, her drool spilling out. Had she always looked that icky? Tooru sighed and departed for the bathroom, his knee aching as he went.

After a quick rinse of his face, he shoved his contacts in his eyes. Miko always prodded his arm when he wore his glasses.

_ "I can't see your face Tooru! Don't deprive me of the opportunity to see your face!" She'd giggle and snort into her tea after seeing his bemused expression. It tickled her to see his face pulled into looks that resembled anything other than dapper. She had once told him "I'm not sure, I just guess that if you're willing to look ugly around me and I can be comfortable looking ugly around you and having a stupid laugh- well I figured that must mean we're close, and we're a good match." _

He thought so too. At least good enough. Not like a fairytale where princes and princesses fell in love at first sight, but like real life where they married and liked each other enough to have kids and go through all the motions correctly like they were meant to do. Never meant to be, that wasn't real life, but meant to  _ do _ .

Tooru was now brushing his teeth. Today’s plan included buying an engagement ring, meeting with a client for lunch, and then boggling his mind as to whether he wants to get married or not, almost chicken out, then pop the question at dinner at some random restaurant good enough to permit formal attire and a proposal. He imagined Miko's reaction, it would be positive, then she'd probably have one of her episodes and freak out for a bit, then the dust would settle and they'd eat their expensive low quality meal, and make it home early enough to celebrate in bed before they had to sleep to make it to work the next day.

His eyes darted to the mirror, he could see Miko sit up in the bed through the mirror, yawning and stretching her arms. She always slept in ways that would make her joints crack and her neck hurt enough to give her a headache that would hurt enough to make her snippy enough to hurt Tooru's feelings- and well... he just wished she'd use the neck pillow he'd bought her. 

She turned her head and popped her neck, then her fingers. Her cheek had the wrinkles of her sub paar pillowcase embezzled in pink lines, following each other from her chin to her temple. 

Tooru spat out the toothpaste "No wonder why you don't want me wearing glasses Miko, I can see the drool on your chin and the lines on your face!" He smirked through the mirror. Miko only met his eyes with an unimpressed raised eyebrow. “I know what contacts are. Your glasses just make you look like an old man.” She threw her legs over the side of the bed and headed his way. He wiped his mouth with a towel “oh.”

Miko stood at his side, she wasn’t very tall, the top of her head only meeting his shoulder. Most of the time his view of her was simply the perfect part in her hair or her large brown eyes gazing up at him, she was very beautiful, but he could never read her just right. In hindsight, this would probably be the time in which he did his worst job in gauging her.

She wrinkled her face and crossed her arms, her lip quivered for a bit before she could spit out her words “I’m pregnant Tooru…” those brown eyes turned up to meet his, this time in person, not through the mirror. 

“That was sudden-” Tooru stopped when he saw her glare.

“Wow, we’ve been together long enough that this shouldn’t be such a ‘sudden’ event for you, I mean we knew that we were risky-” Miko’s rising shoulders were met with Tooru’s gentle hands, he settled them down. 

“Miko Miko- whoa, that’s not what I meant… I mean you said it suddenly, I mean that’s the first thing you tell me this morning?”

Miko’s face scrunched up again and she sniffled “What, it’s not convenient news for you? Would you rather me wait nine months? I don’t even know why you bother-” Tooru pulled her into a hug “Miko… I was going to buy an engagement ring today for goodness sake… and ask you to marry me.”

Miko groaned loudly and wriggled away from him “Tooru! That’s not how you’re supposed to ask me!” she stormed out of the bathroom and slumped down on their bed “I mean it’s supposed to be special!” 

Tooru huffed and followed her, he knew he and Miko could be similar but was this what dealing with him was like? Was this why Hajime couldn’t stand him? He patted Miko’s hair awkwardly. “Miko, couldn’t you say the same for telling me you’re pregnant? I mean I’m in real estate, if you want a house we’ll get a house, if you like the apartment we’ll turn the office into a nursery. Hell, we could be super domestic, Hajime’s mother is selling their home after all, maybe we could take it and raise our kid there-”

“Tooru I don’t think we should stay together to be quite honest.”   
  


His stomach dropped. Miko started to cry, covering her eyes. She began to quiver slightly “I don’t wanna live in your best friend’s childhood home!”

Tooru frowned “Miko… Hajime and I aren’t really even friends anymore.”   
  
Miko yelled this time, kicking her legs into the air like a child “You say his name every day! Every single fucking day! I don’t have a break from it, it’s either how you miss volleyball or how your knee hurts or how Hajime used to say this or used to say that," she spat through her teeth "from what I know he treated you like  _ shit _ and I at least try to treat you better than that but to this day you still won’t stop talking about him and I can’t- I can’t handle this anymore!”

She started to hiccup into a sob, the neighbor next door banged on the wall, that was petty, iit was a Wednesday morning afterall. Tooru pressed his lips together,  _ what the fuck?  _ He scooted away from Miko and stood up “You handle your tantrum, I have a lunch appointment… when I get back we’ll um… talk this 

through. Yeah… just wait till then ‘kay?” he looked down at her, she hugged the comforter in a jumbled mess and simply cried into it. “Okay…” he said “I’ll leave you to it then…” 

🌼

**_Lunch Appointments are Easy._ **

Tooru adjusted his bag on his shoulder and bobbed a few times on the platform of his dress shoes before entering the small café in the center of town. He adopted his trademark smile and strutted inside, already earning himself glances from the various patrons, he scanned the café until one flagged him down. Her black hair was cropped just under her chin, her hand was delicately raised, a small bracelet dangled from her wrist and a gorgeous wedding band hugged her finger. He scooted between the crowded café chairs and made his way to her, “Mrs. Tanaka?”

The woman grinned happily, as if she loved the sound of it “That I am, Oikawa?” She raised an eyebrow. Toru lowered himself into the chair across from her and nodded with a bemused expression “That- that I am, Oikawa Tooru… you look familiar, did you go to Aoba Johsai?”

She cocked her head to the side and let out a sweet laugh “Kiyoko  _ Tanaka _ , I was the Volleyball club manager at Kurasuno.” She leaned forward, her elbows resting on the table, fingers interlaced, chin rested atop them, beautiful. 

Tooru grinned, his first real smile with a client in a while “Oh my  _ God _ you were the manager that everyone was always droning on and on about! I think you ignored me in highschool-” a hearty laugh escaped his chest and he ruffled the hair on the back of his head “T-tanaka- wasn’t he the-”

“The bald wing spiker? Number 5?  _ Yes _ , but we didn’t actually get together until a few years after high school.” she tucked her hair behind her ear “And thank you for recognizing me, Ryuu pretended he didn’t know me the first time we bumped into each other after high school.” 

Tooru sighed and allowed his face to fall into a heartfelt countenance. “I’m happy for you… And-” he raised his eyebrow, Kiyoko raised hers right back as she sipped her coffee, he continued “This means I get to explore properties with a couple and constantly insinuate that you’ll need a nursery?” he slung his bag onto the table and pulled out a laptop “Count me in!”

Kiyoko snorted, nearly choking on her coffee, she waved her hand dismissively “No kids! Not just yet, they’re not in our five year plan. I’m only working at an athletic store, I’m planning to go back to college too- and Ryu’s busy being a personal trainer to some big clients.”

Tooru folded his hands on the table “If you don’t mind me asking… how big? I mean as long as we’re chatting, I’m making a lot of money off this appointment, I’m not the easiest real estate agent in town,” he grinned “you recognized my name didn’t you?”

Kiyoko kept a flat gaze this time, her face hinting at nothing “My husband works with some of the biggest athletes in Japan, we can afford you. And yes, I remembered your name, this town doesn’t have many familiar faces, you have to capitalize on the opportunities to recognize someone." 

Tooru mulled the words over in his mind, “ _ biggest athletes in Japan? Okay… Capitalize on familiar faces?”  _ He guessed he did miss some of his old friends and acquaintances. Hell- he hadn’t even seen Hajime since last New Years.

“Are you okay?” he snapped back to attention and looked at Kiyoko “Oh… sorry I’ve had a uh… difficult day,” his stomach dropped as he thought of the events from that morning, and her words... “ _ I’m pregnant  _ and  _ I can’t handle this anymore.”  _

“Do you want to talk about it?” Kiyoko sipped her coffee knowingly. Her eyes leveled him, she reminded him of his older sister.

“I mean… there’s not much to say, I’m going to be a father, and my girlfriend- the mother- doesn't want to live with me, or marry me for that matter." He paled as he admitted it, only starting to digest what that entailed, his mind began to run away with insecurities, worries, and questions. “ _ What will my parents think? Do I even want a baby? Naeko was given hell as a single mom to Takeru, how can I leave Miko alone?” _

Kiyoko interrupted his thoughts, eyes wide "You learned all of this today yet here you are, out for lunch?" She shook her head "I guess you didn't become successful by maintaining a healthy work-life balance." Tooru's eyebrows lifted and pulled together in a way that made Kiyoko pity him. She spun over her words "I- well I hope everything turns out for the better for you. Congratulations." She gave him a curt and awkward nod, then heartily attended to her coffee to fill the silence.

Tooru adjusted his blazer "Everything will be okay,"  _ No it won't.  _ "I'm sure that I can just bring her flowers and chocolates and she'll stop being upset with me."  _ She's not upset, she's angry, and that schtick didn't work on her the last time you made her this way by killing her goldfish.  _ "I mean, her hormones are just making her more emotional than usual."  _ Her reaction was warranted, you're such an oblivious dick-  _

"Everything happens the way it's supposed to. Just trust that life will lead you where you need to be," Kiyoko paused "I'm sorry- I barely know you and I'm prying into a matter that neither of us can figure out." She bowed her head slightly.

"No worries, you're probably right. And I've been over-sharing to a more than usual degree." He sighed.

"Maybe you'd like to have dinner with Ryuu and I sometime? This Friday night? You can invite her too if things are smoothed over." Kiyoko smiled at him gently.

“Well I guess that’d be a good idea… I’ll let you know if things get better.” He sighed once more, looking at the cafe around them. The smell of too-sweet coffee filled the air, patrons busied themselves on laptops or over conversation. Everything seemed to be in such a calm demeanor, even he seemed oddly calm for the situation threatening to bubble up over the surface at any moment. Should he cry? He usually cried at much less. Was he happy? A baby is supposed to make a parent happy. Either way, Kiyoko’s attempts at cheering him up did make him feel slightly better.

🌼

**_Wednesday Evening._ **

Rain tapped at the window of the apartment with a great haste.  _ Get your life together! Get some direction! _ It seemed to say. Tooru Oikawa peered out over the rather nice view the apartment offered. Being situated in the corner of the building with half of the walls composed of windows, it almost felt as if he was suspended in mid air. The life he had built for himself could fall at any moment. Okay fine, his father also kinda-sorta helped him with his career but that was whatever. Maybe his life already had fallen, maybe the rest of the building wasn’t even there- just his apartment unit floating down towards the cement. Falling slowly, gently making its way towards an inevitable shatter. Perhaps that’s how Miko felt too. Maybe they could salvage this.

Miko stood in the kitchen, cutting vegetables quietly. The rain on the window panes, the boiling of water, and the rhythmic slice of her knife against the cutting board. After a good while of this, Tooru finally pulled away from the window and sat at the island, facing Miko.

“Dinner looks good sweetie… Do you need any help?”

Miko peered up at him through long, thick eyelashes, “No thank you Tooru.” she gave him a weak smile, her eyes were still puffy from crying. 

“Do you wanna talk..? Or do you need more space?” He guiltily looked down at the marble top counter. After a beat he tried to fill the uneasy silence “The weather is gonna turn sour Saturday afternoon. Looks like the prequel is here, no wonder my knee has been aching.”

Miko heaved a sigh as she turned to dump the vegetables into the broth. “I didn’t need space earlier Ru-ru. I didn’t want to talk to you either… I just…” She looked up towards the ceiling, hands on hips, her eyes drifted shut. “I needed you to stay with me. I  _ hate  _ being second best. Second to your job and second to your past,” she gestured with her hands “even our life together right now is second to your past. You can’t even fathom a future, sometimes I’m surprised you don’t just off yourself.” She lowered her gaze and it fell flat on him.

He stared up at her with his mouth open “Off myself? You want me dead?”

“No, never, you think I wanna find you like that? I just mean that I don’t understand how you live like this.”   
  
“Me neither… Look Miko- I really want things to work out between us.” He gave her a pained stare “Will you please stay with me? Marry me even..?”

She looked down to the floor, then to the ceiling, then back at him “Let me think about it… I’m really emotionally drained. Let’s just have a few good days then we’ll do something special and figure things out. Fine with you?”

“Fine by me… oh and this Friday would you like to go to dinner with me and two clients of mine?”

She raised an eyebrow “Your mind goes from marriage to work that quickly.” she hummed, hands back on her hips “Okay.”

🌼

**_Three Miles._ **

The rubber soles of expensive running shoes bounced off the springy red texture of the track. Anyone watching Iwaizumi Hajime would have automatically noticed the white soles of his shoes stained red as he progressed in his seventh lap. 

Hajime preferred to keep his mind as occupied as possible when his running was timed. Today his trainer Tanaka Ryuunosuke would record his time as he ran three miles, then find the mean or average between the numbers.

His mind swam, reminding himself of his form and lap number, as well as creeping into other parts of his consciousness. How he'd run on tracks just like this with his childhood best friend. How their shoes would wear through on certain parts, exposing their socks until their mothers called them out on it. 

They grew out of that. When they became older, they'd actively seek out new shoes. Worn out, familiar ones had lost their enchantment. What was once a badge of honor, a toe sticking out of a sneaker, a perfect fit- became a mark of shame. 

Hajime snapped his fingers to himself, on the upbeats of his music. He didn't like his mind wandering off like that, creeping where it didn't belong. 

Oikawa Tooru, his best friend for years, was now a distant memory. Just an interruption to his Instagram feed. What used to be post-practice selfies, team pictures, sunsets and the occasional photo of his surly nephew (Tooru always claimed him to be his  _ “Mini me!” _ ) had morphed over time to posts announcing his recruitment to the professional team’s trial period, then to information about his new and worse-than-before injury, and suddenly… a farewell post to volleyball. That was 268 weeks ago. Afterwards was a sudden slew of posts that included various girlfriends, his journey to his Real Estate license, posts that showcased his bougie work events and rising status as an agent. 

Hajime could handle it. His own posts and following grew too. He was one of the best V. League Division 1 athletes in the nation. His own posts were sponsored, they were just as shiny and happy as Tooru’s but…

What broke the Ace Spiker was the moment Tooru’s posts began showing one woman, incredibly frequently. Gone were the bits of eye candy Tooru would meet and leave to rot, Hajime could absolutely handle that. But the new woman was more  _ magnetic _ . Their relationship was perfect by the looks of things. Morning coffee among blankets, beautiful shots of them on vacation. 

So this was life, Hajime would keep himself in peak physical condition, able to spike a ball over the net like a crack of thunder. His mental condition however, well... as often as he smacked the idea of Oikawa Tooru away, the golden boy would come back to his mind full force. A cruel Newton’s Cradle, the momentum being neither created nor destroyed, just dancing between the two men in any of their interactions, each glance and stare heavy with meaning. A love that could only be felt when Tooru was shitfaced. A make out sesh at a New Years party thrown by a mutual friend, a resolution to never let that happen again or ever be in contact with Oikawa again. 

Yet, his mind still wandered.

He collapsed into the grass beside his dutiful trainer, Tanaka Ryuunosuke. “Twenty Five minutes bro, you made it to  _ Nineteen _ last time, the fuck happened?” the troublesome trainer pulled Hajime up to a standing position, his face becoming serious “You know you gotta stop throwing yourself to the ground after every time you run!”

Exhausted, Hajime gave Ryuu the death glare “I don’t see you running three miles as fast as you can,” he panted “I’m doing just fine-”   
  
Ryuu clasped a hand on his shoulder “Think about it, you’re expending so much energy then falling completely still, your body thinks it’s dead when you do that amigo.”

“I take this seriously y’know,” he obeyed the trainer and began moving his legs in place as he stretched his arms across his chest.

“I know but lately you’ve kinda lost your zeal is all. Don’t take that the wrong way-”   
  
“I have not!” He spat that out louder than he intended to. His arms sank “I just have a lot on my mind. I’m not a dumbass, I wanna do everything correctly, be the best player and all. Be a good teammate.” 

Ryuu sighed “Well let’s stretch while your muscles are still warm. Jog inside with me. Try to think of something other than whatever you’re doing out there man, you’re acting like my dad coming home from his office job.” He pulled his face into an exhausted, severely depleted look. Hajime couldn’t help but smirk.

🌼

**_Cool Down._ **

He sat on the cold ground of the gym, muscles still warm, legs ajar, he powered through his stretch as Tanaka gently pressed on his lower back.  _ “Reach hands forward, feel the burning on your inner thighs, hamstrings especially. Good. Focus on pressing the pelvis forward, back straight or you won’t stretch the right muscles. Your gracilis and sartorius are next, make sure you feel the stretch in your iliopsoas group.”  _ Stretching was a better meditation for Hajime than running. Running in good form was second nature, stretching was the dessert to the workout.

“I think you need to destress Iwa. Maybe do things outside of your volley-bubble.” Ryuu snickered at his own joke as he pressed Hajime deeper into the stretch, receiving a groan as a response. “Mini intervention here, maybe you’d want to have dinner with my wife and I tonight. We’re going out to celebrate our move. We’ll be closer to the gymnasium and stadium- her work too.”    
  


Hajime spoke through gritted teeth “How’s that supposed to loosen me up? Look if I could be less stressed out, I would be. It’s not even volleyball that’s the issue.”   
  
“I feel like it has to do with volleyball  _ somehow _ seeing as your whole-entire damn life revolves around it.” 

That prompted a stiff chuckle from the stretching man “Always has, what else has it been for the past 25 years?” 

“Oh ho ho! Probably the same thing giving ya’ trouble now. You know…” his voice dipped lower and more somber “It wasn’t your fault that the other outside hitter got injured. The toss was yours, you called it, I was there. Same thing happened to me my third year at the Spring Interhigh. Our captain Daichi still won’t tell me what he did with his tooth that fell out.”

“Yeah well- I caused injuries in High School too. That’s why I’m upset.” He waved his hand to be let free from the stretch, then switched over a quad stretch that he could manage by himself. Ryuu stepped back and folded his arms.

“No one was ever injured from Seijoh-”

“Oikawa was. I let him work too hard and I let him do it again when we were both drafted for my team. It’s because of me that everything bottomed out… I just don’t need to ruin another person’s life by being a bad teammate again is all.”

Tanaka tapped his fingers against his folded arm, searching his head for what to say. “Man… the world doesn’t revolve around you champ. ‘Can’t blame yourself.” He cracked a smile and plopped down next to Hajime. “You need a drink with my beautiful amazing wife and I- as long as you don’t make any moves on her. She gave enough to charity by marrying me.”

“And here I thought you weren’t a realist… fine” Hajime smiled, slowly letting his lungs deflate and eyes drift shut as he sunk lower in his stretch.

“It’s um… actually a double date but I accidentally reserved a table for five instead of four and it’s a really fancy restaurant so-” he nervously rubbed the back of his head.

“You need me to come so they don’t charge you extra?” he mumbled a groan with some curses “Okay I’ll  _ fifth  _ wheel your awkward date and I’m only agreeing because I should really pay you more for putting up with my… me. Lord knows I owe a lot of people…”

🌼

**_Pâté._ **

“Why would I want pâté?” Miko said to Tooru in a whisper through a gritted smile. He watched her push the loaf of meat back towards him on the table, the ornate dish tugging on the white tablecloth.

To be truthful, Tooru himself didn’t really enjoy the fancy spam anyways. However, Miko chose the fancy French restaurant for the double date with his clients, who had yet to arrive.

“If you weren’t interested in pâté- jeez, Miko, if you were only going to eat salad why did you order the whole sampler?” his leg shook with anxiety under the table, hoping that she wouldn’t try acting out like this once the Tanakas arrived.

Miko stared forward, keeping her smile firm and refusing to talk to him. Despite their incredibly pretty façade, anyone in the small, expensive French bistro could tell something was off about the young couple. Tooru (not without a pang of guilt) could only stomach smiling at the waiters and strangers he made eye contact with, but not his own partner. Miko simply kept her face pretty and smiling, even though her eyes were clearly withholding tears behind her curled tendrils of hair that framed her face. 

Tooru cursed inwardly at himself, they were already having an awful start to dinner and it hadn’t even begun. He inhaled and exhaled the way his yoga instructor always told him, but it didn’t ease his nerves.  _ Why am I so nervous all of a sudden? It’s just two clients I barely even knew in school. _

Well, Tooru’s mother had always described him as having a sixth sense. He had always assumed that it was just a fancy word for common sense. However, for the first time in his life, he felt compelled to believe at least one of her wacky ideas. As he practiced his breathing, his eyes narrowed to the front of the restaurant. 

The Tanaka couple had just come through the door, an uneven match up if he’d ever seen one- but what hitched his breath and made his anxiety skyrocket was the man who held the door open for them.

Biceps flexed beneath the taut fabric of a lilac button down, the sleeve of which led directly to the strong capable hands of Iwaizumi Hajime. Hands that had picked through dirt for bugs with him, hands that once held a pen awkwardly as they were first learning to write Katakana, the ones that could spike a toss from him as if it was second nature, and it was. Hajime’s own olive green eyes locked with his own but only for a portion of a second.

Oikawa Tooru froze in his spot as he watched the tree of them check in and approach their table. He’d have stayed in that spot too if it wasn’t for Miko tugging his sleeve for him to stand up and greet their guests. He mumbled out the polite greetings with a small confused smile, unable to look away from Hajime, who in turn was locked onto him as well. 

Ryuu shook Tooru’s hand “Tanaka Ryuu, you’ve met my beautiful  _ wife _ Kiyoko- and you should recognize my own client, Iwaizumi Hajime.” 

Hajime cleared his throat and took Tooru’s hand in his, shaking firmly “Oikawa.”

Tooru’s heart sank with the formality “Hajime,” he laughed nervously “long time no see!”

Kiyoko broke the awkward silence that followed, “I apologize, Ryuu made the reservation and by mistake put down five and not four. He invited his client Iwaizumi to join us after the restaurant refused to change our booking…” Kiyoko looked genuinely apologetic, Ryuu on the other hand had a sly grin on his face. 

“Hombre needs to see what married life is like!” He slung his arm around Kiyoko and led her around the circular table to pull a chair out for her beside Miko. 

Tooru finally tore his gaze away from Hajime and smiled good naturedly as he, Miko and the rest of the fivesome took their seats. “Looks like I should order a few extra bottles of Champagne!” 

🌼

**_HamaMiko is an awful Handle._ **

Hajime carpooled to the French Bistro with both Kiyoko and Ryuu. He always found their companionship sweet. Ryuu would gush over Kiyoko, who responded to his compliments with a simple smile. Most people would take this as her not returning his feelings, but on the contrary. In his time knowing the couple, he found it apparent that they simply had different love languages. Kiyoko returned the love through little acts and bits of physical affection. Whether it was her hand on his arm as they sat beside each other at one of his games, or the way she made practical bento boxes for him to eat at work, it was clear that there was something there she seemed to admire. He didn’t blame her, Ryuu was a hardworking man with good advice to offer and an attitude that centered around hope. He wouldn’t have ever wooed her without it. 

Still, though, he noticed Kiyoko seemed slightly disgruntled this journey. He wondered why.

Despite that, Iwaizumi longed for an other-half, what with watching the couple hold hands as Ryuu drove and the constant nagging of Tooru’s picture perfect relationship on his social media feed. Surely he could just find a partner at a bar, someone who’d fit him like a puzzle piece. The issue was, plenty of people could be jammed together to fit. And for the life of him, Hajime could never discern if he ever actually  _ fit  _ with any of his dates, puzzle pieces could fit together but that in itself didn’t mean the picture lined up. He enjoyed dating, but no one ever made him feel much. He was numb to everyone, unable to catch feelings.

“Earth to Iwaizumi, we’re here!” the car jolted to a stop before Ryuu backed it up into a free space along the curb.

“Ryuu, be careful,” Kiyoko simply said before unbuckling her seatbelt. The trio exited the car together, Hajime grumbling about Ryuu’s crappy driving and Ryuu dishing it back in turn. Hajime opened the door for the couple, they were his hosts after all. He wondered what this real estate agent and his girlfriend were going to be like, hopefully not so insufferable as the Tanaka pair. 

As he stepped into the restaurant, his eyes locked with none other than Tooru Oikawa. His breath caught in his chest, he looked away as quickly as possible, trying to ignore the feelings creeping up inside of him, especially the way he felt seeing Tooru right beside the beautiful woman from his Instagram posts. 

Kiyoko exchanged a few words with the hostess, confirming they had reservations. Afterwards they approached the table. Oikawa and his girlfriend stood to greet them. Ryuu shook his hand “Tanaka Ryuu, you’ve met my beautiful  _ wife _ Kiyoko- and you should recognize my own client Iwaizumi Hajime.” Never one to miss an opportunity to compliment his wife, Ryuu at least refrained from trying to fight every man who came in contact with her.

It felt as though time was moving in slow motion, each second just a bit longer than what was comfortable, than what was normal.

Hajime refused to lock eyes with Oikawa again, he took his old setter’s hand and shook it firmly, formally. “Oikawa.” 

How could he look at the man? He felt the sheer disappointment in Oikawa’s hand, the way it tensed and fell away limply once he let go. Tooru played it off with a nervous laugh and a quick cheesy quip about not seeing him in a while. 

Kiyoko thankfully filled the silence by explaining the reservation fiasco. Ryuu just grinned like a kid who pissed in the super soaker. Hajime only narrowed his eyes at the baldy. He knew this. He knew that Oikawa had been on his mind, and he knew that the little fucker would be at this dinner.  _ What a manipulative prick! _

Hajime had vowed to never let himself think of Oikawa after the New Year's fiasco. After everything. Yet he couldn’t force his mind to not wander home to the thoughts of the grand king. He could at least vow to never see the man again, yet as fate would have it that didn’t seem easy either. 

Furthermore, it seemed fate also wanted them to sit beside each other. Kiyoko sat beside Oikawa’s girlfriend, who he soon enough introduced as  _ Mihama Mimiko.  _

_ So that’s what her stupid Instagram tag stood for. _ “✿HamaMiko✿”  _ What an idiot. _

  
  
  


The young woman lit up at the chance to look good in front of the company. Her strained smile began to turn more genuine as she talked to Kiyoko and the rest of the bunch. “Nice to meet you, as Ru-ru said, my name is Mihama Mimiko, but if you’d like I am definitely comfortable to be on a first name basis, though Miko is fine, never Mimi however.” She glowed, curled raven hair brushing along her shoulders. 

Tooru snickered "She  _ hates _ being called Mimi. Almost as much as I hated being called Trashy-kawa, right Iwa-chan?" Tooru smiled at him, his body turned slightly towards Hajime.

Hajime could only nod, "Yeah." His face stayed placid, sweat clamming up his hands, he nervously rubbed them on his slacks.  _ Fucking Tanaka Ryuunosuke. _

Luckily for him, the waitress arrived to take their drink orders. Everyone grabbed at the chance to order drinks, Tooru ordered more champagne for the table. At least everyone could recognize the awkward nature of this dinner.

🌼

**_Dinner with the Tanakas._ **

Further into the night, most everyone at the table was foggy and slurring their words, all except Kiyoko.

Iwaizumi felt warm, a little more open. The conversation had long been taken over by Ryuu and Tooru.

"No, when I first saw her in high school, I immediately asked her to marry me, I mean of course I did!" Ryuu pulled his smug face, so proud to be married to his dream girl.

Tooru giggled, cheeks flushed with booze “I asked Miko to marry me Wednesday morning and she was such a bitch about it!”

Miko shot him an angry, wide eyed look, her chair was pushed up to his and she was doing everything in her power to have as much bodily contact as possible. Her lips pinched together, she held them that way for a while before finally breaking the contact with a ‘puff’ garnering everyone's attention. “You didn’t even have a ring, hot-shot.”

Kiyoko gave her a sympathetic glance but other than that no one at the table paid her any more mind.

“Now don’t even get me started about the little bitch over there!” He gestured his wine glass to Iwaizumi, sloshing some onto the table cloth. At some point in the night Tooru expressed the need for Pink Moscato in addition to champagne, somehow macarons were also involved.

Ryuu cackled “Hey- ‘Zumi and I operate on the same basic functions-”

“Ear, Sleep, get worked up over nothing?” Kiyoko smirked.

Ryuu gasped “No no no mon Cheri-” Tooru cut him off with a snicker, he continued “I also happen to devote my entire utter being to you, my absolute Goddess!” he slurred that last bit.

Kiyoko nodded politely “Thank you.”

Tooru whined “Back to the poooiiinnt!” he giggled once everyone was looking at him again. Miko seemed mad, if not for Tooru's general shitty personality, then for his giggle, Hajime always wondered why girls were so into him, every girl he had dated had left him for either his devotion to volleyball or he didn't meet their images of masculinity. Hajime thought he was plenty masculine. Plenty perfect, yet so so shitty. Like fast food, he regretted the fact that he regretted Oikawa and how things skewed between them in a way that could only be blamed on himself.

“Iwa was such a little bitch, our whole like- lives! Like he absolutely could not handle me being hounded by girls all the time, he was so jealous-”

“I was never jealous of them-” Iwaizumi paused.

Tooru looked at him funny “No no, jealous of  _ me _ , get with the program Iwa!” he gleefully chugged a spare flute of champagne, mostly for the show of it.

Ryuu chuckled “There’s something so rewarding about seeing his damn forehead wrinkle like that-” 

Everyone was looking at Hajime, it was his turn to play around now. He sipped his wine then started with an exaggerated sigh “You say that as if your bald head doesn’t make your forehead look like it goes up your head, down the back, past your shoulders, down your spine, up your ass and around the corner.” 

The men howled, Kiyoko giggled, even Miko smirked.

Tanaka dramatically turned to his wife “Babe, is it true? Have you found it up there?”

Tooru practically ejected himself out of his seat “Check under her nails!”

Kiyoko couldn’t even suppress her blush and laughter.

“Always knew the fucker ran weird” Hajime took another swig of wine. He actually felt nice, loose even. 

_ This feels like I’m back at Seijoh almost. _

Then he ruined it for himself as he watched Tooru’s Adam’s Apple bob with a hefty chug of wine. His skin looked warm, soft, kissable. However, only Miko could enjoy it.

He slumped in his chair as Tooru and Ryuu carried on the brunt of the banter. Miko was so damn pretty, somewhat more so than the girls who always fawned over Tooru. She looked like a model, she looked good next to Tooru, like the pictures on social media would tell. 

Miko, the girl who was nearly as bratty as he remembered Tooru, was the one who he chose.

_ I wish it was me you chose. _

He shook his head, that wasn’t a thought he was allowed to have. Not at all in the itty bittiest slightest. That’s what Tooru would’ve told him, it’s what Tooru told him whenever he had anxiety over a match or just any bad thoughts in general. Tooru was always so nice to him despite his own meanness...

He sure as hell wasn’t going to let himself go down the Tooru road again. New Years, that was the last time. It was the last time he’d let a drunk Tooru kiss him.

_ “Friends can kiss too Iwa! Please be my New Years kiss.” _

He shouldn’t have let it happen, but they had been equally drunk. Now he felt himself starting to spiral in that direction again. 

“Earth to Iwa,  _ oh my God,  _ you  _ are  _ an alien! Knew it!” Tooru snapped his fingers in his face, he was suddenly reminded how close they were sitting at the damned circular table. 

“We were just talking about being Aces of our teams!” Tanaka’s chest swelled with pride.

“You were only the Ace your third year love.” Kiyoko’s smirk was sly as she rubbed his shoulder.

It was Tanaka’s turn to whine “Queen, why must you smite me at every turn!”

“I actually think Kiyoko is more similar to Iwa than you are Ryuu~” Tooru said with all the teasing of a playground bully in his voice.

“Just not as stern I’d say.” Kiyoko cooed between a sip of water.

“Kiyoko sparkles like the setting sun on a clean bright blue ocean, ‘Zumi looks like a caveman who just got reincarnated into a semi decent looking man yet still remembers his caveman days and is  _ really _ angry about it.”

Tooru slurred his words “You guys should’ve seen him from  _ my  _ side of the net, I mean that spike was amazing~” He starred off nowhere in particular in the restaurant.

Hajime’s breath hitched in his chest, it felt warm, in addition to the booze.

"I understand the caveman thing but damn, Iwa isn't a  _ brute _ well-" he laughed "His build is more like a Homosapien, I mean I know that's what we are but like from a documentary." Tooru smiled as if he wasn't the alien.

"Oooh, I get it, you mean the actors they have play those roles! The ones who wear loincloths and stuff, I know the exact one bro, that documentary introduced me to tiddy!" Ryuu smacked his own head in understanding, repeatedly.

Tooru's eyes glowed, he pointed at Ryuu "And the introduction of Homosapiens with Neanderthals!"

The men cheered in mutual understanding, two brain cells connecting at their terminals.

Hajime himself was still confused, still not sure whether to be flattered or what, then some more shit occurred.

Miko yelled "Tooru!" She had been saying his name for a few minutes now. "This is a  _ professional _ dinner." She hiccupped, whiney and angry.

"Babe it's fine, we're all friends, besides making friends with clients is the hallmark of connection with clients and such!" He grinned, so confident.

Miko glowered "I want to go home. I want you to stop acting gay."

Tooru raised his brow, the rest of the table frozen in place. Miko starred at Tooru with a very unhappy look. 

"I wanna go home. You're not even involving me in the damn conversation, and all you wanna do is talk about  _ him _ " she started to tear up.

Tooru sputtered “Why’re you making such a big deal about a literal conversation, it’s not about you babe-”

“Perhaps you should dial it down Oikawa,” Kiyoko interrupted.

The table turned to look at her, Miko stormed away, chair nearly toppling as she stood.

Kiyoko calmly followed her without another word.

Tooru whined “What a buzz kill! And I bought all this… wait I thought I bought sake, I didn’t?”

Ryuu rolled his thoughts over in his mouth before deciding upon what to say “Maybe this was a mistake after all.” He looked longingly after Kiyoko, who had disappeared into the women’s restrooms behind Miko.

Tooru squinted in that direction, unable to see particularly far without his glasses as Hajime knew. “I can’t possibly think of a reason  _ why _ .” 

Ryuu rubbed his eyes, no doubt trying to make the restaurant stop spinning, if he drank nearly as much as Hajime did. “Tooru… I was the one who made a mistake, it’s got nothing to do with your girlfriend- Well it kinda does actually…”

Tooru narrowed his eyes at the men at the table “Can you just spit out what you mean instead of staring at me and talking in circles, I mean,” he chuckled, eyes widening a bit “I’m the one who apparently is the top realtor in the city, a busy man, I’m the best!”

He chased his ego with another healthy swig of whatever was in his glass now.

“Oikawa, I think we all just drank too much and let things slip out of hand-”

Tooru held his hand up like a puppet and began mocking Hajime.

“That’s it Shittykawa-”   
  


“No! No no no, you are  _ not  _ about to act like you haven’t ignored me for a year and even more so before that- we literally grew up together and you have the gall to act like you can talk like that to me? I get it, you’re successful-”

“You are even more dense than I thought if you think this is just me ignoring you- you fucking idiot-”

Tooru groaned loudly to interrupt Hajime yet again, eyes rolling back as he pushed off the table and slumped in his chair “Whatever!” He threw his hands up “I get it, pro volleyball player Iwaizumi Hajime doesn’t need his fucking cripple friend anymore!”   
  


“You really are a fucking idiot! You overworked yourself! Way too many times and I’m done feeling like it’s my damn fault! You’ve been rude this entire dinner!” 

Ryuu whisper-shouted at them, his furrowed brow made it apparent that he’d been trying to get them to shut up. “We’re gonna get kicked out if you don’t stop acting like little boys!”

Silence fell over the table, heated glares between the men reminded Hajime of the Seijoh days where he’d have petty arguments with Oikawa. But this wasn’t exactly a petty argument, something was actually wrong. It didn’t feel like he could reign it in or even repair it, let alone open his mouth without making everything worse.

Tooru slowly stood from his seat, tension heavy in the air, he took a dramatic, albeit clumsy, curtsey. “I’m going home in a cab.” He looked at Ryuu “You have my business card, call one for Miko once she’s done with her tantrum.”

Ryuu muttered something under his breath, even Hajime couldn't quite catch it.

“What was that baldy?” Tooru was seething.

“You do realize your ‘pregnant’ wife has been drinking all night right? And you’re just gonna leave her after-”

“She’s my  _ girl friend _ , and if you know that much about our life then you’d also know that she is in fact my girlfriend because she turned down my proposal, you don’t know anything about us!”

A hostess finally came forward from the front of the bistro. “Excuse me gentlemen, but you’re disturbing the rest of our guests and we must ask you to leave and pay at the counter.”

Tooru walked towards her, she clearly looked intimidated but she stood her ground. He leaned down, close to her face, then simply shouted “Blahhh!!!” before finally storming out of the restaurant, his original intention anyways.

Ryuu apologized to the angry hostess, trying to save a bit of face before his wife showed up. Hajime got up and shoved a credit card his way before following Tooru, who nearly stumbled into the street trying to hail a taxi.

Hajime pulled him out of the street and dragged him to a bench as Tooru kicked and screamed all the while. 

Trying to be heard over Tooru’s sputtering of profanities, he finally shook the man's shoulders and forced him to make eye contact with him as they sat on the bench. 

“Can you calm down for one second?!” He found tears already streaming down Tooru’s cheeks, his own eyes stung, a budding headache ready to pop them out of their sockets.

“Iwa I feel like I’m gonna throw up.”

“Don’t.”

“It’s gonna happen” he sobbed and drunkenly leaned into the arms of the powerful ace.

“It’s not, just don’t do it fucker.”

“Why do you hate me?”

Hajime sighed “I don’t hate you…”

“Why won’t you respond to my messages? I’m pretty sure you blocked me on most social media.”

“I just don’t like seeing it.”

“Seeing what?”

“How oblivious are you?”

Tooru groaned and laid down on the bench, head in Hajime’s lap. 

“What the fuck happened Iwa?”

“I don’t know…”

🌼

**_Five years ago._ **

Tooru would often suddenly look up and realize how much time had passed. Life had once paced itself at a crawl, but as time wore on, it exhibited an ever increasing speed. An ever expanding universe, measured in memories that grew foggier, a knee that ached harder, and a friendship that he thought would never end.

"I don't know sir… It's just- I'm tired of starting every day with an ice pack and a pain killer."

His coach eyed him "You're about to give up everything you've spent your life working towards?" 

Tooru smiled "That's not what I've spent my life working towards." He sighed, releasing some tension from his shoulders "I truly want to resign sir. I have to thank you for everything you and the team has given me, but my knee is only getting worse and I'm running out of time for a plan B. I'm… Sorry." And he truly was, he truly loved volleyball, as well as making it onto a professional team so young right out of high school, with his best friend in the entire world, Iwaizumi Hajime.

“Are you sure about this?”

“Yes… and the doctors say I need to stop if I wanna live a normal life and not obliterate it by the time I’m thirty. It’s just too weak. I overworked it. I’m sorry…”

He forced himself to make eye contact with his coach, and was greeted by a sigh. "If that's what you think is best Oikawa. I'll give it a week before I file the official paperwork- you can sit out practice to heal and in case you change your mind…” He let out another sigh. “Thank you for talking to me about it. I appreciate it, despite wishing for you to stay, I understand."

"Thank you sir. I’m sorry to let you down…”

The ensuing conversation with Hajime was the least expected aspect of Tooru quitting volleyball.

“Well if that’s what you think is right.” The two men stood in the locker rooms, Hajime changing out of his sweaty uniform and into casual clothes. Tooru didn’t have a drop of sweat on him, he had to sit out practice when he finally decided to go to the head coach’s office to quit.

“Iwa… is this gonna change anything?”

He watched Hajime scoff and pluck his gym bag from the bench “No shit.”

“Meanie-”

Hajime whipped his head around to look at Tooru “Just go home. You don’t need to be here, I can do this without you.”

“I never said that you couldn’t.”

“You always thought so. But I don’t need the Great King’s sets to make it you know.”

“Is that what you really think of me?”

“It’s what you think of me.”

“What ever made you think of that? I thought we were friends?” Tooru tried to step closer to Hajime.

Hajime stepped away “Yeah… sure.”

“I don’t understand, I’m the one who’s hurt, what’s wrong? What the fuck is going on Iwa?”

“Just please go away…”

Tooru clenched his fists until they turned white, he opened his mouth to say something, anything, he just wanted to feel better after giving up everything he had ever worked for.

Hajime glared at him “Are you gonna go or what?! Fuck off!”

And thus Tooru left the volleyball gym. It was actually his last time in any volleyball gym, at least when it came to being on the court. He still would go on to watch his nephew play, and visit Aoba Johsai when they had big games. However, nothing would ever be the same between him and volleyball again. Not any time soon.

Especially not between him and Hajime.

🌼

**_Locker Room Gossip._ **

Earlier in the day, on what became the day that Tooru decided to quit volleyball- Hajime warmed up beside a fellow player on the V League team, Mizoguchi. The older man was the team setter, and a seemingly good role model for the new recruits. 

“So you’re friends with number 13, Oikawa?” Mizoguchi worked himself into a butterfly stretch alongside Hajime. The older man was admittedly attractive, large yet lean muscles folded gracefully into every stretch, and sandy blonde hair framed his features extraordinarily well.

“Ever since we were kids. He’s always been my best friend.”

Mizoguchi hummed in understanding, after an uncomfortably long pause he began again “Okay, well maybe you should stop relying on him so much.”

Hajime sat up “What? I don’t rely on him-”

“He’s kind of an asshole kid. And by the looks of it, you two are a package deal. That’s not good." The older man checked their surroundings for eavesdroppers. "I shouldn’t be telling you this but the coaches really wanna see if you can prove that you’re able to play without him. Independence and such.” He casually sunk back into his stretch.

Hajime froze “They think I’m relying on him too much?” 

“Let’s just say if you start playing more with a setter such as myself, you’re more likely to be seen favorably by the team as a whole." He smiled kindly, and took a breath before his face fell into distaste. "Oikawa has this smugness about him anyways, like giving advice when he’s the baby here.”

“I’d say his advice is warranted…” Hajime stared at the waxed wood floor. He pressed his knees down, wanting to get back to stretching.

“Are you really that whipped for him?” Mizoguchi chuckled. “Don’t tell me you’re lovebirds!”

Heat rushed to Hajime’s cheeks “No. Tooru’s family is way too-”

“Oh so you would if you could? Look that’s not necessarily allowed. It’s probably best to just separate yourself from the situation. He thinks he’s better than you.” The setter sighed casually.

“Shittykawa knows we’re a team, it’s never been about better or worse, ever since we were kids.” Hajime felt his ears flush.

“From the perspective of a setter, I can definitely tell he knows that you wouldn’t be able to hit the ball if it weren’t for his  _ perfect _ tosses. Drop him. Think of yourself for a change.”

“He’s my best friend, you realize what you’re saying?”

“Do you realize that having the word of the official setter of a professional volleyball team on your side could greatly boost your career?” Mizoguchi slid his hand to Hajime’s leg, squeezing gently. 

Hajime didn’t push him away. At least Mizoguchi could face having feelings for a guy without internalized homophobia taking over. He looked into Mizoguchi’s eyes, they looked right back, wide and trustworthy. Lovingly even? 

“You see the way the crowds fawn over him, he clearly doesn’t need anyone but himself.” Mizoguchi withdrew his hand before any of their teammates could see.

Hajime tried to relax his nerves “I always did get kinda pissed off that he could let a bunch of strangers be in love with him- but then he couldn’t commit to anything. Shit, I watched girls break up with him because he played too much volleyball. He never cared about anything other than himself, it was always ‘me me me’... What a fucking idiot…”

Mizoguchi laughed. “Aw, he's a closet case? Is that it?”

Hajime sighed “I’d be lying if I said every breakup was because of volleyball.”

“What’s that mean?”

“Forget about it… I think you’re right. It’s about time I cut off some dead weight,” with that, he sank down in his stretch.

And thus Hajime convinced himself that things would be better if he just let that perfect boy go. 

🌼

**_People aren't Puppets._ **

“Ryuunosuke, you cannot meddle in people’s lives like that.” Kiyoko sat with Tanaka outside of the restaurant as they waited for Miko’s cab. Miko was too embarrassed to accept a car ride from the couple. 

“I just- you don’t understand it was like he was falling out of love with volleyball, I thought seeing a friend would help him. He doesn’t really speak to many people on the team you know…” Ryuu sulked, his head was still far too cloudy from the ruined night of drinking.

“Miko is Oikawa’s girlfriend. You know that Iwaizumi has feelings for Oikawa. And according to Miko, Oikawa has feelings for Iwaizumi.”

Miko looked up from Kiyoko’s shoulder, “I swear he is all he wants to talk about. He doesn’t take me seriously when I try to tell him I have a problem with it.” 

“See Ryuu? You didn’t know every part of the story. I can’t believe you’d agree to setting up two men when one of them is taken and about to start a family.” Kiyoko's stern gaze was frightening for both Miko and Ryuu.

Miko sulked “About that…” she sniffled and rubbed her eyes. 

Kiyoko resisted the urge to roll her eyes. “Mihama, you drank tonight. I don’t think you’re pregnant. I think you’re smarter than that.”

“I’m not pregnant…”

Ryuu groaned “And I’m the bad guy?!”

“She clearly said it to make Oikawa care for her.” Kiyoko sighed and gently petted Miko’s hair. 

Miko shoved her stray tears away with the heels of her palms.

“It was dumb… I was just upset- I’m upset like  _ all _ the time, I just wanted something to fix it.”

“How does being pregnant fix something? That seems counterproductive, like that makes the situation worse,” Ryuu mused.

Kiyoko pressed her lips together then said “Same goes for meddling in people’s personal lives just to make volleyball more fun for you to watch.”

Ryuu whined “It wasn’t to make volleyball more fun for me to look at, it was for Zumi, he’s so stressed all the time and I thought having his friend back would- I don’t know… fix him.”

Miko sniffed “You can’t fix people… Tooru and I tried to fix each other and just… nothing works. Well maybe not each other but our relationship…”

“Is it unfulfilling?” Kiyoko hummed softly as she comforted the young woman.

“I think…” Miko sighed, long and low, “I think I need more. We’re always so mean to each other, it just keeps getting more mean, passive aggressive, and I feel like shit and so does he. I know it’s hard to handle someone who cries so much…”

“That’s not what a relationship is supposed to be like, like at all. Why would you even wanna stay with him or trap him?” Ryuu said.

“...We make people really happy. Our parents, our ‘friends’... we’re perfect for each other. And we’ve dated for a while now and all that’s left is to just go through the motions I guess…” 

Kiyoko continued to stroke her hair “You two really need to have a discussion about this. I don’t mean to intrude any further than we have into your lives, but this is serious.I heard about the proposal.”

“He told you…”

“He is not a professional man.”

“No, he isn’t. But I really loved him… a whole lot. His charisma is just so intoxicating, and I really wanted to break through his smile to know what was underneath what everyone else saw… We’re both similar like that you know? We can both smile really pretty for the outside world, but damn it’s all just so fake. It really drives me insane." She sniffled as her dump of emotions increased in speed, words falling from her mouth. "-And he’ll use that same stupid smile on me, the one he gives to clients, I mean I’m not trying to buy a house from the guy-” her voice was rising, “And then here he is always incessantly talking about Hajime this, Hajime that- Why am I not good enough?! What did I even do- I cook and clean and we do everything right but it’s never enough you know? He proposed to me in our bathroom and tried to tell me that moving into Hajime’s childhood home would be a great idea, why would I want that?!” She panted slightly from the word vomit, tears falling down her cheeks yet again.

“Do you need to stay with us Mihama? Just for a while?”

“I wanna just be home… and I need to talk to him if this is gonna get fixed or breakup or whatever is supposed to happen.”

“I for one think you should break up,” Ryuu concluded.

“Ryuu don’t-” Kiyoko attempted.

“Hear me out babe, looking at it from a man’s perspective, or rather the perspective of someone utterly in love and devoted to my amazing wife, I would have to say that if you two can’t even be kind to each other, I’m not sure that it’s worth pursuing. I’d do anything to make Kiyoko happy, and when she’s upset at me I feel like the worst person ever, but we have patience with each other, she makes me a better person, someone I can be proud of, and if that isn’t the case with you and Oikawa- what I mean is, you shouldn’t devote yourself to someone just for appearances sake. You’ll miss out when you find the person you actually are meant to be with.”

Kiyoko smiled down at the pavement, Ryuu was incredible, despite his faults.

Miko nodded as he spoke “I never really thought about anything that way… We’re borderline arranged to be together, I mean we met prior to our parents but they  _ really  _ like each other and the idea of us together. It’s all really overwhelming.”

“The sooner you get it all taken care of, the sooner it won’t be overwhelming.” Kiyoko smiled.

🌼

**_I’m Sorry You Feel That Way._ **

The Saturday after Friday night’s dinner saw a forecast of turbulent winds that ushered in a torrential downpour of rain all over the city. Isolated blackouts littered the skyline. Tooru being the prime real estate agent he was, had made sure that their 14th floor apartment was located near the medical district. 

_ "Hospitals will always have a backup generator on their portion of the grid. Isn’t that neat?" _

He remembered explaining it to Miko when they had first moved here, nearly two and a half years ago. Things were good back then. But today, the silence between the two filled the air like an orchestra, bouncing off the walls and giving them head aches.

He knew he couldn’t be mean, he couldn’t expect Miko to break the silence. She never had qualms for the long haul, unless it was marriage, he figured.

Miko was laid out on the sofa, wrapped in one of the softest blankets they had ever felt. They had purchased that instead of a puppy a year ago, when they decided that neither of them actually wanted to deal with the devotion a dog came with.

_ “Oh jeez,” Miko had said “The puppies are cute and all but we’ll have to walk them twice everyday, probably more because of potty training, as well as feed and water them…” She seemed uneasy.  _

_ Tooru agreed, this felt like a lot “And if we decide to travel, we’ll have to find a babysitter, or dog sitter, wow... and people call cat people crazy?”  _

_ Miko had scrunched up her face “They’re so soft though…”  _

_ Tooru agreed, they were very soft. “Yeah, but they were also bred to be a product, not even rescued. They’ll have no issue finding a home that isn’t… grossed out by them.” _

_ “They do smell don’t they.” Miko sighed.  _

_ “Let’s just go get a really expensive blanket from a bougie store, one that we could never justify buying until now, you know instead of a $1,000 dog.” _

_ “Deal.” _

Tooru was glad they could agree on so much, yet they still disagreed on so much too.

He walked her way, circling the couch until his feet dug into their plush rug. He gently lifted her legs and sat beneath them on the sofa. “Miko, I’m sorry.”

She shifted from laying on her side to laying on her back, chin scrunching against her chest as she peered at him over the blanket. “I don’t think we mesh well Ru-ru.” Blunt as ever, sweet sweet Miko.

“I’m sorry you feel that way,” Tooru started.

“No no, this isn’t just how I feel…” she gently reached for his hand as she laid there. “This is the truth. I’m sorry too... for everything.”

Tooru tried to ignore the stinging behind his eyes. “I’m sorry… for everything too. For leaving you to take a cab home… for the arguing and getting kicked out...”

“I-... it’s okay… well it’s not.” She bit her lip and paused for a while. “I’m sorry, it hasn’t been working for so long... and I just wanted it to work so bad, but you don’t love me, and I think," she sighed long and low "I think I only love the idea of you.”

Tooru let go of Miko’s hand and laid beside her on the sofa, they faced each other and laid in each other’s arms, still sore from the booze of the night before. 

“I’m really scared to be alone, Miko.”

“Me too, but I don’t think we should stay together anymore…” Her voice dropped to a near whisper, gentle and soothing. “There has always been someone else on your mind. I never liked it but I’m not going to demonize you for it. It just hurt. It still does.”

“There was never anyone else on my mind babe-” His brows furrowed in concern.

“Your friend. Whether you’re actively avoiding it or if this is all subconscious, you need to take a deep look at yourself Ru-ru. And I don’t know if I can help you once you’ve found what I’m talking about, so please… don’t isolate yourself from your friends.”

“I really don’t understand what you’re talking about.”

“Can we not start a fight?” Miko sighed.

“I’m not trying to start one, I’m genuinely confused and I’d appreciate it greatly if you let me know what was happening.” He met her eyes, both of them had tears staining their cheeks now, silent as they rolled between two beautiful faces, unfit for each other.

“Okay. You are gay, or bisexual, I couldn’t tell you. I just know that it was never me who interested you the most... That hurts a pitiful narcissist such as myself.” She forced a broken, quiet chuckle. “-And I know that we aren’t good enough for each other, or what we need. I think we need to split, I think you know that I’m not pregnant, and I want you to know I’m sorry. I was scared, I wanted your love...”

“It’s… it’s okay I’m sorry… But I’m surely not gay. I couldn’t be. I just miss Hajime. He was my best friend for my whole life and he isn’t my friend anymore.” Tooru searched her eyes for an answer, for belief or a shred of faith in his words.

Miko watched him try to reason as she stroked a hand through that beautiful hair of his. 

“Maybe so, but nevertheless we are not meant for each other. I don’t want to make things worse by trying to go through the motions with you." She paused to sniffle. "I don’t want to hate life because I can’t be good enough for a man who isn’t even good enough for me.”

Tooru buried his face into her shoulder. “I’m so sorry, I tried so hard to be everything, to be perfect.”

Miko stroked his back as his body began to be racked by sobs. She knew that at least the tension was leaving his body, however troublesome it was to get it out.

She wiped her eyes and whispered “I’m sorry too. I tried too. We both did our best huh?”

He gripped her tightly and nodded against her chin. Their tears were making everything rather wet and gross, but she continued to hold him. They laid there entwined, all the while falling into a deep slumber from the sheer emotional exhaustion.

The storm outside the apartment, with it’s large windows and all, enveloped them in a sheet of rain, mocking their tears and human frailties. It stayed that way nearly until the time they rose from the sofa, puffy eyed and exhausted. The clouds ceded for just a bit to prepare for the next monster on the radar heading their way.

Tooru eventually had to find his phone after their quasi-nap. He had two missed calls from his sister Naeko. Miko kissed his cheek and retired to their bedroom for a shower, he in turn stepped out on the balcony to call Naeko back.

Naeko picked up after two rings.

“Sis what’s up?” 

_ A heavy sigh. “The storm is really bad Tooru, Takeru and I are already heading your way. Our power went out and the damn window is leaking. We’re bringing our groceries so they don’t go bad, I’m really sorry to intrude and everything but it’s not like I had any other options…” _

Tooru sighed “Don’t apologize, I miss you guys. Be forewarned though big sis, Miko and I… we’re breaking up.” A pained laugh escaped his throat.

“ _ I’m sorry To-chan…”  _

He waved his free hand in the air dismissively as if she could see it. “I’m so pretty I’ll find someone to give a ring to in no time!” He paused, but Naeko didn’t laugh. “Uh… thanks though. I just have a lot to think about.”

_ “We’re here for you. Takeru says hi.”  _

Tooru heard a faint ‘Hi’ in the background to confirm. 

_ “We’ll be there in about 20 minutes, I’ll make you dinner if you haven’t already had it, Love you.” _

“I love you too.”

Tooru lingered outside for a few minutes longer, then returned to the warmth of the apartment just in time to see Miko packing a bag.

“What’re you doing?”

Miko frowned “I’m gonna ride out the storm at my parents’ place.”

“Are you sure…?”

“Yeah, I am. Don’t worry, the next wave of the storm won’t be here for an hour or so, and my parents live in the opposite direction so it’ll be okay.”

“I’m sorry.”

Miko heaved a dramatic sigh “Lighten up, it’s fine, I’m fine, I’ll be out of your hair in ten minutes.”

“Naeko and Takeru are gonna be visiting anyways, their power went out.”

“Are they okay?” Miko for her credit, did actually look concerned.

“Yeah, they’re on their way now.”

🌼

**_Fear is The Heart of Love_ **

Tooru sat with Takeru at the dinner table as Naeko made dinner. Tooru nudged Takeru with his alien sock clad feet under the table “Long time no see buddy, how’s being team captain of a city school?”

“Eh, stressful, I really need some players to improve but it’s like no matter what I do, some people just don’t try their best. What’s worse is that some people’s best just isn’t good enough. Some just aren't good enough for themselves.” Takeru took a hefty swig of water. “That’s mostly the first years though, and I’m kicking their asses into shape without too much fuss. It’s nice, the rest of the team are really good."

“Savor your third year… I really miss mine.” Tooru tapped his chopsticks on the table like it was a snare drum.

Takeru chuckled “You’re like a million years old with like a million dollars, why do you wanna be in high school again?”

Naeko scoffed “Watch it mister, I’m older than your uncle you know.” 

“She’s right, and I’m also not that rich, wish I was, but there’s this annoying thing called  _ student loans. _ ” Tooru made a pissy face.

“Whatever, you have more money than me, so what’s so good about high school? Is this really my peak?” He rolled his eyes “That’s insanely bleak you know. I didn’t think you were this lame uncle.”

“Hey!” Tooru grumbled and crossed his arms as Naeko giggled from the kitchen.

“Your uncle Tooru is  _ very  _ cool Takeru.” Marko said knowingly over the sound of sizzling food.

Tooru beamed at his nephew with his signature shit-eating grin. Takeru kicked his shins. Tooru cried.

“It’ll be your balls next time, no wonder why you still love high school, you’re like a first year.”

The way Takeru had grown made Tooru queasy, he was so capable and mature, not just on the outside to people he doesn't know, but in every situation. He never failed to call people out on their bullshit which was really annoying, he truly was his mother’s son.

“You are so annoying Take-chan, if it weren’t for your ugly hair I’d assume you were your mother.”

They jumped at the sound of a pan clashing.

“Seriously? You can only compliment me by insulting my son?” Naeko rolled her eyes, smiling all the while. “You’re both brats. But he’s right, Take-chan. You have your dad’s hair.”

“Never seen him, don’t care.” Takeru dug his fingers through his thick, cropped hair.  _ Poor kid’s kept the same style for his whole life. _ Tooru pursed his lips.

“Is dinner gonna be done soon or should I make cup ramen?”

Naeko made to slap her brother but refrained.

“You’re about to get your first home cooked meal in who knows how long and you’re complaining.”

Tooru sulked “Miko  _ always  _ made home cooked meals.”

Naeko sighed as her face dropped with sympathy “Sorry Tooru. Forgot…”

Takeru smirked “You seriously can’t keep a girlfriend uncle.”

Tooru’s mouth dropped as he prepared a witty and clever comeback but his effort was interrupted by Takeru who continued, “Makes me happy, she was  _ obnoxious _ not as much as you, but obnoxious.” He accepted a bowl of food from his mother.

Tooru silently accepted the second bowl and muttered a thanks. It was simultaneously meant for the food as well as his nephew’s round about way of complimenting him. Wonder where he learned  _ that _ from.

The trio happily ate their food as the storm picked up again. The sway of the building didn’t do much to quell his general anxiety, but enjoying food with his only family (the only ones who he enjoyed speaking to) as the rain pounded at the windows was a welcome experience. It almost felt like Christmas. 

After cleaning up dinner, Tooru tried to offer his bed to Naeko, offering to sleep on the sofa while Takeru could take the guest bed, but Naeko refused. “We already barged in here. Plus you like to sleep earlier than I do. I’ll take the sofa, ‘til then let’s just relax. I’ll make coffee.”

Tooru groaned “It’s so hard to be nice when you give me such little opportunity.”   
  


Naeko laughed “Eat shit.”

Takeru retired to the guest bedroom to play games on his laptop and what not, meanwhile Naeko lit the living room fireplace and settled into the cozy sofa with Tooru and their coffees. Tooru’s was mostly whipped cream and marshmallow, Naeko’s was mostly the sludge known as black coffee.

Tooru shuffled on the sofa to cover his legs with a blanket, Naeko had the good one unfortunately.

“So, how’re you holding up?” Naeko sipped her coffee.

“I don’t know… it’s been a confusing weekend.”   
  
“What all happened?”   
  
“I saw Hajime again, he was invited to the dinner I had with a Kurasuno alumni couple.  _ Yeah  _ don’t worry, I like these two, they’re not the ones who I still have a grudge against.”

“It’s been over-”

“Six-ish years, yes Naeko, I know, now let me continue. Anyways, the guy, Ryuunosuke, just happens to be Hajime’s personal trainer and he sorta thought it would be a good idea for him to see me again.”

“That means Hajime wanted to see you in some way right? Or else he wouldn’t have gone?”   
  
“I’d like to think that, but he had no idea that I was going to be there. I didn’t know he was going to be there either.”   
  
“And?”

“Miko was there, it was originally supposed to be a double date you see. We got super drunk, Miko too, and she was supposed to be pregnant, she told me last Wednesday.”   
  


“Oh my God and you didn’t tell me? Wait, she got drunk?”

Tooru smirked, this was like when he was younger, sneakily calling his disowned sister to chat and tell her about the gossip, or visiting and babysitting for her, while their parents were none the wiser. Of course he probably shouldn't feel as much joy gossiping about his own family, or lack of family. He didn’t know, it was complicated.

“She lied, she wasn’t pregnant at all, and apparently I’m an asshole when I’m drunk.”

“ _ Apparently _ ,” Naeko smirked.

“Yeah… so she went ahead and let me know that this isn’t gonna work out for her.” His eyes stung, he gulped. “She told me that she doesn’t wanna go through the motions of life with me… and the worst part is, I agreed. I tried to propose-” Naeko whined and kicked his leg, her foot wrapped up in the good blanket, he ignored her. “Sorry sorry, I was gonna tell you. Anyways... she said we aren’t good enough for each other, and she said that it always seemed as if someone else was on my mind.”

Naeko gave him a somber look “I think I know what she meant by that.”

“Before you even start, I’m not gay Naeko.”

“No, you’re just you. And when you love someone, you love them deeply. You and Hajime have always been near extensions of each other. I’m older and wiser than you, probably better as well, and I’ve known you your whole life.”

“Okay so you don’t think I’m gay but you think I love Hajime?”

“I think you love him, yes. I think he loves you. I also think that you loved Miko, and you loved your high school girlfriends. I don’t think it’s one or the other for you. I think mom and dad made you think that way though.”

Tooru thought it over for a few moments, shaking his head “I like women. Just women, Hajime is just a friend. He just makes me feel like a better person... He kept me in check for years, just like you or Takeru.”

“I could be wrong, Tooru, this is just how I see it. Think about it, maybe I really am wrong, but hey… you never called him a brother. Mom and dad did.”

“Mom and dad… when’s the last time you spoke to them?”

“Five years ago, and I don’t miss it.”

“So they’re not trying to get you to get me to admit to something?”

“Do I look like a double agent? For the people who kicked out a pregnant 16 year old? Yeah, sure.” Naeko shook her head and sipped her coffee again. Tooru’s cup sat untouched.

“I- thank you for looking out for me. For making sure I knew that the way they did things was wrong. I don’t know what would’ve become of me without you.”

“You’d be dead most likely. You know, I was always worried that you’d try too hard to live up to their standards, but in the end you set the hardest standards for yourself hm? They were just happy that girls liked you and that you were successful. You wanted more, honestly I need to thank you too, Takeru needed someone like you to look up to. Not just because he didn’t have a father, but because you’re a good person.”

Tooru winced, his eyes watery. “I’m not a good person sis… but that means a lot still.”

“You are a good person though. Good doesn’t equate to perfect. Even angels sin. Try telling that to mom and dad- hah.” She smirked.

“Even angels sin huh? Yeah they’d throw a fit. But I guess it’s true, how else could one fall?”

“There’s the smart little brother I know!” Naeko giggled and relaxed a bit more. 

“Do you think they knew that I only enjoyed church because of Ancient Aliens?”

“Oh hell yeah.”

“Everything’s way more interesting when it’s secretly done by aliens.” Tooru hummed.   
  
“Oh to be a fly on the way in your mind.”

“You couldn’t handle it, it’s like an echo chamber in there, is that the right word?” 

“If I could read your thoughts I tell them to shut the fuck up.”

“Oh to have a mind unburdened by itself!” Tooru chuckled, he really loved his sister.

“I’m proud of you, you know. You really built something out of yourself.” Naeko smiled warmly.

“Nah… Not like you did. You’re an attorney who put herself through college, I got a favor called in by our shitty dad. I wouldn’t be where I am if he wasn’t as powerful as he is.”

“You wouldn’t be where you are if it wasn’t for your hard work.”

Tooru shrugged “Hard work shot my knee to hell. Hajime’s the one doing what I had  _ intended _ to do.”

“You should reach out to him you know.” 

Okay maybe he didn’t. “Can we drop this? Besides, he’s ghosted me already. He’s just going to ignore me again.”

“Fine then, I’ll call him.”

“No, don’t you dare do that, I swear to all that is holy!”

“Aw, guess you can’t swear on our mother then!”

“You little scumbag, you’re right and you’re funny and I hate it.”

“Reach out. At least in the next month. Give yourself time to process too. You work way too hard, no wonder how you bury shit so easily.”

“Fine. I’ll consider it. I’ll take more ‘me time’ too. This flooding is going to make my job a lot harder though. I can’t sell flooded houses.” He sighed and ran his hands through his hair. “I think I’m gonna go ahead and go to bed. You can have my coffee if you want.”

🌼

**_Peri-Storm, Storm Prep._ **

Hajime struggled up the stairs to his apartment, carrying a full bag of groceries. “God damn fucking elevator is broken because of this fucking storm-” God must have been sitting atop the storm cloud laughing, because heavy cans of non-perishable food were cascading down the stairs. A few fell on his feet for good measure, probably just to be assholes and get in his way like everything else in his life. 

Hajime groaned unnecessarily loud in his frustration. Why on Earth did he choose paper over plastic during the wet season? His volume nearly drowned out the yelp from the flight of stairs directly below him.

He jogged down a few steps to look around the landing and see who had to share in his misfortune. Surprisingly, it was the same woman he had to stare out every time he happened upon Tooru’s social media. The same woman with the awful handle and pretty smile that also happened to be fake, and no wonder because her boyfriend was an asshole who he was in love with. Sigh.

“Mihama- what’re you doing here? Sorry…” He watched Miko rub a bruised shin.

Miko sighed heavily, picking up a large bag from it’s awkward three-step perch. She avoided eye contact “My parents live here.” 

“In this building?” Hajime blinked.

Miko finally glared up at him “No, in Roppongi Hills.” She rolled her eyes “Yes, here. Tooru and I are breaking up. Please get out of my way, unless you have anything frozen in that empty bag of yours that I can put on my ankle.”

“Wait- you’re breaking- you broke up?” Hajime made the mental effort to shut his mouth so she wouldn’t be mad at his jaw hitting the floor.

“Yeah. It happens.” She pulled her duffle over her shoulder again, leaning to accommodate its weight. “So I wanted to stay with my parents for the storm. Get space.”

“Why did you break up?” The words escaped him before he had the chance to actually think them over.

Miko’s eyes flashed with a hint of sadness. “We’re too different… too similar. A lot of things.” She shrugged her free shoulder. “Can I get past now?” She glared at his feet, which firmly blocked her way.

“I want to have a conversation with you,” he exhaled, “I want to apologize to you. I have a lot to say that shouldn’t be said in a stairwell.”

Miko frowned “I don’t know…” she cocked her brow “if I said yes, would you carry my bag for me?”

Hajime scowled. “Fine.”

Hajime had managed to fix tea after lugging Miko’s bag to his floor. He always made tea for Tooru, pretty wild that he was now making it for Tooru’s ex, but she was a guest so it wasn’t such an awful thing.

She really made him feel upset. Not angry. Anger was reserved for hiding things, like true feelings. 

“Do ya’ mind putting milk in my tea? Sugar too.” Miko tapped away on her phone, likely filling her parents in on her delay, legs crossed on his sofa.

She sure was similar to Tooru. Her fake smile was a lot like his too. 

He obliged her request, plopping in a sugar cube and a bit of cold almond milk into her cup. Almond milk was always superior to cow’s milk in his opinion. No lactic acid that would torture his stomach and muscles.

He carried their tea to the living room, setting her cup on the coffee table and taking his time to silently relax into the other couch. He was nervous, he didn’t have a clue where to start, so he cut to the chase, picking up where they left off.

“So… Why?” He gulped.

“Why what?” She was cold.

“Why did you two break up?”

“Honestly?” She scrunched her face, staring into her cup. “Well honestly I started to hate myself. To hate him too.”   
  
“I get that…”

“How? You two were never a  _ thing _ right?” She pursed her lips.

“No, no… But our friendship fell apart really similarly to what you just said. I hated myself and I hated him.”

“He’s always called you his friend.”

“Well it fell apart. Back when we were drafted at the same time, then he got himself injured worse than ever.”

“He talked about you like he was in love with you. It was… weird. I mean I can handle my boyfriend being in love with a man as well as anyone else, but you two clearly were not friends, it was just him talking about you. A lot…”

“I don’t know what to say… I’m sorry.”

Miko met his eyes “Do you love him? Did you love him?”

“Miko, I-”

“Tell me now, it ruined my already shitty relationship.”

“Yes. I did… then I forced myself to stop and to hate him and blame him… and now I don’t know. I can’t just forgive him.”

“Why did you stop?”

“I started to hate myself because I wasn’t good for the bastard. Feel better?”

Miko glared “No, I don’t… as a matter of fact.” She threw back the rest of her tea and set the mug back on the table. Her face sank. “I wasn’t ever good enough either you know.”

“I guess we’re really similar.”

“I guess…”

Hajime filled the silence with a sip of his tea, which was nowhere near empty.

After a few minutes Miko started up again “I really wanted him to just love me like I loved him. I really wanted to feel like the beginning of our relationship, but I was just miserable. It made me act really annoying, I know… manipulative…”   
  
“You lied about being pregnant, that’s pretty awful.”

“I know… that’s why I tried to just cut things off clean and quickly and try to… I don’t know,” she sighed. “Be an adult about things.”

“I wasn’t great to him either… I abandoned him as a friend. I let myself… get involved with…” He let out a stiff grunt in lieu of actually opening up.

“What did you do?” Miko was stubborn too.

Hajime crossed his arms “I got into a relationship, an unprofessional relationship… with an older teammate. Let’s just say I wouldn’t be where I am in my career if I hadn’t… and Tooru would still be my friend.”

Miko snorted “You slept your way to the top?”

“That’s not exactly how sports work, I just got a lot of favors I wouldn’t have gotten without that relationship.”

Miko smiled “That’s why you have an apartment almost as fancy as Tooru’s.” She added shimmer to her words “the  _ best  _ realtor in the city.”

“Well as a result of my position in my career, yes. Kind of.”

“Did you and Tooru ever… do anything?”   
  
“I- um, yeah. We did.” Hajime plucked fibers from his shirt nervously, sadly.

“He denied it. I asked him once before, he lied?”

“Not exactly.” Hajime stretched his arms uncomfortably, avoiding Miko’s gaze. “He liked to drink. Still does it seems. Anyways, I did too, but not as much. We’d both get really drunk on occasion, and he’d kiss me. I shouldn’t have, I knew he wouldn’t remember, and that I would. That or he forced himself to forget. But yeah, we kissed, he was my first kiss actually. We fooled around. However, he only cheated on you with me once. We went to a New Years party thrown by our old friend Takahiro and kissed. Then I cut contact.” Hajime wished he didn't release such word vomit all at once.

Miko was a good listener, she slowly nodded through it all, then finally cleared her throat. “That was this past New Years huh?”

Hajime nodded. Miko nodded back in understanding.

“Thanks for telling me.” She wiped away tears that he hadn’t even noticed. Her face contorted into a grimace as more fell. “I’m sorry, it’s just a lot you know? Like- I always always hated you. You were on  _ TV  _ for God’s sake. You were on billboards, you were on his tongue, literally and figuratively…”

“I’m really sorry Miko…” He wrung his hands. Jeez he was an asshole.

“It’s okay… I…” She took a deep breath.

“Vent if you need to.” Hajime frowned.

Miko beat her fingers on the suede of Hajime couch in a tapping dance, the preamble to her inevitable spiel.

"I’m okay really, I’m doing better than I thought I would. I came to realize after some help from a few friends way wiser and lucid than me that… Tooru and I are so similar. We weren't looking for each other. We never have truly seen each other. We worked bad because we're just a reflection of one another and if anyone says they don't hate themselves just a little, well they are surely lying." She squeezed her eyes shut, more tears rolled down. "Everyone does... It's natural… But we never saw each other for more than that. We liked each other because we saw what we liked in ourselves, we saw a way out, a way to feel better, then we hated each other because we saw what we hated in ourselves and it hurts, its hurts hurts hurts but I wanted him to love me, I wanted it to be like the beginning where he cared and I cared and it wasn't just convenience! 

It's like telling someone who hates their appearance that they're pretty. It's nice to hear but they won't believe it, their own opinion and own standards stand in the way of that. At least mine do. His do too, that's why it's impossible to fix each other, to fix anyone. 

I'm glad it happened this way actually, because it means we can fix  _ ourselves _ but God oh God does it hurt...”

She heated a sigh and curled in on herself, legs to her chest, feet on the cushion, head buried in her arms.

Hajime wrung his hands even more nervously, then started his own rant.

"I- I loved him because he was brilliant. I watched him grow and become a beacon, the person who could just smile at you and make you believe you were special, no matter if the smile was real or fake and I could always tell. I watched him struggle with himself, I tried to fix him, to make him see himself, how I saw him, to make him take care of himself and not be so obsessed but… Damn I was never enough."

Miko sat up, eyes bleary "Neither was I. That really hits the ego huh?"

"I wish I could go back in time and change so much. So so much…"

"I regret what I did too. But I was the one who treated him like shit. You were always his friend, he always saw you as his friend. It drove me insane, how no matter what I did somehow it seemed like someone else was on his mind." She leaned forward and took a sobering sip of Hajime’s tea. "I thought he was cheating on me, I bought lingerie and all that. Then I realized that he wasn't cheating… well not consistently. He was in love with you. He couldn't stop bringing up little anecdotes, I wanted to strangle him."

"I never meant for that to happen, I didn't know he ever… Made our friendship out to be more than it was. Because it was that way for me. Like I said, he could only ever… Kiss me when he was wasted."

"I don't think he knows he loves you just yet. His family is really awful, I mean you know them better than I do I'm sure. But when I introduced him to my brother who just happens to be gay and  _ taken _ , he got really weird. Like uncomfortable. Tooru did, I mean."

"Surely he isn't homophobic, we know so many couples?" Hajime folded his hands.

"Well… My brother and I look really similar. Picked from the same tree." She grimaced in pain, her voice clogging up with emotion again. "I think he could tell that he preferred one model over the other."

"That's rough… I'm sorry Miko."

"No biggie," she sniffled and wiped her eyes with her sleeve cuff "I've had time to process, decompress, all of the fancy stuff they tell you how to do in therapy. I just did it on a train ride."

"You're impressive, I should get my hands on some therapy and train rides."

With that she snickered "It's not as cool alcohol but it helps me way more." She hummed for a second “Y’know he tried to convince me to let him move us into  _ your _ childhood home.”

“No way? He did?!” Hajime felt conflicted to say the least.”

“Yeah,” she grinned. “What. An. Ass.”

Later that night, after Miko and him exchanged numbers, and she had dragged him to haul her duffle to her parents apartment, (and after her father looked at him incredulously before recognizing him from their particular bus stop sports adverts) Hajime found some peace in his bed. At least, until his mind started running again. 

_ Grossly incompetent _ .

That was how Hajime felt with matters of the heart.

Practice makes perfect and he'd refuse to openly let himself practice loving the man of his dreams, desires, and life. 

However, the flame of his rage and angst burned within himself, strong and unwavering. He couldn't shake the demon inside him that chided him for loving the unlovable, the un-reciprocating, the unaccepting.

Truly love wasn't supposed to hurt this bad. It likely only did because he had let it build up like a dirty room, and only now chose to open the vault and allow himself to feel, but Hajime could now only bask in the hurt. He could bask instead of drown because he could finally allow himself to recognize his feelings and accept them.

Burying them never did the trick. He had to make a point to thank Ryuu for being so meddlesome, to thank Miko for being so honest and angry with him, for Kiyoko in her wisdom.

It was a hard feat, but he couldn't blame himself for loving the golden boy. Yet, that boy had been the one to torture his heart, and he couldn’t discern if Tooru even loved him. He expected Tooru to be jealous of him and his success, he did what their childhood dream was, and he did it without his best friend. He was an awful person who Tooru’ had out to have hated, but Tooru still had humored their awkward dinner at the Bistro. Maybe... he should call him sometime?

🌼

**Our Hands, Clasped So Tight.**

Sleep had a way of manipulating people. Seriously, Tooru found sleep really  _ really  _ infuriating. 

At the most inopportune moments, he’d find himself having terrible dreams, dreams of failure, of loss, or dreams where he simply had to relive the awful points of his life. Some dreams, the truly terrible ones, disguised themselves as reality. Some of them made him travel through time.

Head on the pillow, breathing deeply, Tooru oh so comfortably curled into the lull of sleep.

And what could ever be so sweet? As their backs touched the water, bellies sunny side up as they floated in the pond humming to the melody of a Summer's day. 

That was childhood between them. It was everything, from their first days of grade school when tears and crayon wax both ran thick, then what followed them as puberty hit and unrequited love, between boys and girls, between the toothpaste crusting over and the discarded cap on the floor. Between them, the two boys who had never questioned laying in one another's arms, sun kissed and full from a good lunch. They who had walked hand in hand even when they reached the age that it was 'weird' to do so, they who traded jackets even though Tooru’s parents thought it would give the 'wrong' idea. They who basked in the days of childhood and frowned as they discovered that as far as the light of knowledge may take them, there is only an ever increasing cloud of darkness waiting to be-lit, and what it may unveil, too personal to tell.

Dreams did happen to drown Tooru. He’d kick and scream and only sink deeper.

His parents, dragging him to Christian church services. Neither Shinto, nor Buddhist, the Oikawa family approached life from a different angle. Upside down is how Tooru would describe it. On his more generous days,  _ off kilter. _

Early mornings with his mother preparing breakfast and bentos, his sister studying at the kitchen table. His father leaving for work, briefcase in hand. High expectations for the only son, many sports and lessons. Throughout his youth, his familial life slowly turned, and “upside down” began when he was in middle school.

Early mornings drilling himself in volleyball because he noticed his kouhai improving too fast for comfort. His sister telling their parents that she was pregnant in only her second year of high school. His father coming home from work, another woman’s makeup on his collar. The beginning of Tooru’s panic attacks. His “Best Setter” award.

Hajime beside him, through it all. Through the period of time in which Tooru’s big sister stayed in the guest bedroom in Hajime’s childhood home. Through the times that Tooru needed a cover to visit her once she moved into her own place and got a steady job. Even through her highschool and college graduations, all of which Naeko accomplished by herself as she raised Takeru.

Naeko and her son did not continue the tradition of attending church services. Tooru stopped at age 15, citing his devotion to school and volleyball as his reasons.

It wasn’t the Christianity that bothered Tooru, he enjoyed it even. It was his parents, and how they had used it as a tool to justify their own meddlesome awfulness.

In his dreams, Tooru would often visualize Eve in the Garden of Eden. She chose to eat from the Tree of Knowledge. She learned what was good and what was evil, and she shared that knowledge with Adam. She shared with him because it was good.

Tooru’s dad was the first person Tooru heard the age old “Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve” quip from.

Fine then, Tooru could be Eve. He could allow himself to lift the shroud of darkness, to take a peek at what was good. Hajime.

He could allow himself to love Hajime.

Dreams truly were annoying things. 

  
  


Later that night, Tooru poked his head out of his bedroom door and caught Naeko’s attention. She was predictably still awake on the sofa with the soft glow of her phone illuminating her pretty face. He whispered as to not disturb Takeru in the guest bedroom “Naeko… what if I’m not good enough for him anymore?”

“Tooru… It’s not about being good enough for someone. No one is ever going to say you aren’t good enough for them. It’s just that some people don’t fit together. Like you and Miko. That said, I think you’re good enough for him. You just weren’t good enough for yourself.”

Tooru waited a moment before simply nodding and slipping back into his bedroom to think it over. 

He opened his phone, favoring the bright screen over the thoughts running through his head. Without even really meaning to, he navigated to his Gallery and allowed himself to travel down memory lane.

🌼

**Fangirls in Retrospect.**

Naeko hovered over Tooru’s bed. “Sleepy head, wake up!”

_ Not this shit again.  _ Tooru groaned and rubbed his eyes “Naeee san!” What a fine Sunday morning.

She playfully wacked him “I’m your sister, stop with that pun, it hasn’t been funny since middle school, now get up, you’ll get even more depressed if you don’t.”   
  
“No, it’s raining outside! It reflects my inside!”

“Oh shut up, the storm will be gone by tomorrow, plus you smell, worse than when you’d come home from practices.”

“My time was valuable then, Now I am single and sad and there’s gonna be a  _ lot _ of flooded houses that I won’t be able to sell! Leave me to rot.” He pulled his pillow over his face.

“Whatever, you can wallow until midnight in bed for all I care, but Hajime called earlier this morning. Thought you should know.”

With that, Tooru shot up. “What? The bastard called?”

Naeko raised a brow. Tooru blushed and settled back down nonchalantly. “Like I care.”

“He wanted to apologize and talk things out. That’s what he told me.”

“Naeko… remember our sexuality discussion?”

“That was out of pocket, but yes, I remember, unlike you I have a memory.” She sat on the edge of his bed. 

“I’ve been thinking about it the past few days…”   
  


“Really? What’s up?”

“Maybe I’m bisexual… I’m not sure. Just don’t say anything to mom and dad.” His words were muffled under his pillow still.

“Like I even talk to them.”

“Anyways, that doesn’t mean I know what to do. Hajime is the only guy- the only person I think I’ve ever felt a particular way about. Different from Miko. Is that just friendship?”

“Could be. Could be something else too. You could talk to him about it.”

“I don’t want to.”

Naeko smiled, Tooru never wanted to do anything that was hard emotionally. She changed the subject “What made you realize what you did? About your sexuality?”

Tooru finally uncovered his face. “I… I was looking through old photos on my phone. I took them when I saw mom and dad last Christmas, it was from an old scrapbook from when I was a kid and you were in middle school.”

“Oh the book that they ripped my pictures from?” Naeko smirked.

“Yes, when you got pregnant.” Tooru couldn’t help but chuckle at that awful dash on the list of awful things their parents were guilty of.

“What pictures were you looking at though?”

“Oh- yeah, they were Hajime and I. Then I saw my prom pictures, I took some random girl. She was nice, but just one of the fangirls you know?”

“Yeah?”

“Then I realized… even back then when I was little and up to high school, Hajime always made my chest feel kinda… fizzy. Like a soft drink. Then I realized that out of all those beautiful girls who were really kind to me and into me, never did I ever  _ actually  _ feel interested in them. I’d compliment some, but I never really flirted. Everyone always assumed I was a playboy but I only dated like three girls in school. Besides, Hajime was there for me through  _ everything _ … until he wasn’t.”

“That’s true, you were actually pretty decent I’d say. Especially getting such attention as a young man, you never took advantage of it.”

“Well it doesn’t make me a good person, if I was into one of them I might’ve used it to my advantage, but not… in a gross way.”

“Never.” Naeko shook her head.

“But yeah…” Tooru played with the hem of his blanket. “I really think I had feelings for Hajime. Maybe still do… After all, every girl I dated said that I focused too much on volleyball and my friends, the thing was he was the only one I hung out with besides team activities or hanging out with Makki and Mattsun.”

“He may have feelings too, you know? He never liked those fangirls.”   
  


Tooru smiled “I know, I had the volleyball bruises to prove it. They did distract me though.” He frowned.

“Just from volleyball.” Naeko petted his hair as if she was his mom.

“Their presence made mom and dad feel better about me, they always felt uncomfortable about Hajime and I’s friendship.”

“Well, you don’t need to talk to them do you? Or care about their opinions. You’re grown and financially independent. You even paid off your old medical bills. I think you should take the next step and do what I did.”

Tooru chuckled “Absolutely nothing?”   
  


Naeko smiled “Absolutely nothing. Not for them.” She ruffled his hair “Now get up, you’ve been a real Debby downer and Takeru says the rain is gonna break today, he wants to practice hitting and serving.”

Tooru groaned “Fiiiine. But then I’m gonna nap. These emotions are exhausting. I stayed up almost all night. It was off and on really.”

“Whatever weirdo. Take care of yourself.”

🌼

**In the Event of an Emergency, Please Hang Up and Try Again.**

_ “This is Oikawa Tooru with Skyline Shade Realty, I am unable to reach the phone at the moment, please leave your name and number and I will get back to you as soon as possible!” _

“Christ…” Hajime cursed after the umpteenth unanswered call. It took enough guts and sweaty hand drying to muster the courage to even call Tooru. Now the fucker was ignoring him, served him right, he guessed. He ignored Tooru before too.

Hajime paced his apartment,  _ Tooru’s all alone in the middle of this storm, what if he’s trapped? What if he tried to drive? It did let up today, but what if he did something dumb because he’s stubborn and his girlfriend just left him? _

He stared hard at his keys. “No… no the roads are probably still flooded in areas, it’s not safe.”

Back to his phone… the unread text messages loomed threateningly.  _ He’s alone, he could be really hurt and too stubborn to call anyone, or away from his phone…? _

Hajime bit the bullet and grabbed his blazer from the other night. He dug in the pocket and pulled out a business card.  _ Oikawa Tooru. Skyline Shade Realty. _

Simple black Helvetica text embossed on a clean white card. He had Tooru’s number correct… 

He quickly dialed Miko. 

She answered after a few rings.

_ “I’m trying to have dinner with my parents, what’s the matter?”  _

She sounded very disgruntled to say the least.

“Tooru isn’t answering my calls or texts, I’m worried.”

_ “We just broke up, a little quick trying to be the rebound, hm?” _

“My God Miko, I’m worried about him, he’s alone.”

_ “His sister and nephew are staying with him.” _

“Oh… Oh I’m sorry.” Hajime exhaled in slight relief.

_ “But… he hasn’t texted me back today either…” _

“What’s his address?”

_ “I shouldn’t… I really don’t want to piss him off.” _

“Please…”

_ “... Okay. Only because I just want for him to be happy. Not that you’ll be good enough.” _

“Thank you Miko.”

🌼

**Kissing Tooru, Sans Champagne.**

Tooru woke up from a long self pity nap, puffy eyed, to the sound of banging on his apartment door. He cursed under his breath, dragged himself out of bed, and began unlocking the door, not even bothering to look through the peephole.  _ I swear to God if someone’s upset that Naeko used their parking spot during a fucking flood I’m gonna-  _

Upon opening the door, Tooru realized two things. First off, Naeko’s car was settled in the guest parking garage, which fortunately was not located in a flood plain, unlike some  _ other _ apartment complexes in the area. Realtors must know these things, and be able to recommend houses over apartments as if it’s a political matter- Also the car wouldn't even be in the garage because judging by the lack of purse and shoes in the genkan, Naeko and Takeru were out at the moment. Secondly, the man standing before him, who he already worked out in his groggy state to not be another tenant, was a very tense Iwaizumi Hajime.

“Um, good morning Iwa.” Tooru mustered a smile, it was the least he could do in lieu of pissing himself.

Hajime exhaled in visible relief, even his broad shoulders eased “Wipe that smile off your face, we need to talk. You ignored my calls, I thought you were dead or something.”

Tooru raised his hands in resignation “Hey, I’m alive… and I’m all ears, just… come in.” He sighed and cleared the doorway for Hajime. His apartment was uncharacteristically messy because of his sister and nephew’s unexpected presence. He worried about the bad impression it made, not to mention Hajime clearly didn’t think highly of him if he suspected death on a regular… What day was it? Oh well.

Tooru watched Hajime ease uncomfortably into one of his better lounge seats. He himself settled into the sofa. The nice blanket was inexplicably in the guest room. He drew his legs to his chest and wrapped his arms around him. “What’s up?”

Hajime drew in a long breath “Miko and I visited for a while.” Tooru watched his hands fumble in his lap.

Raising his eyebrow, Tooru was unable to keep in the quasi laugh/scoff that escaped his mouth. “Um, okay. And? I don’t see why you need to bother me about it.”

“Oh fuck off, anyways I wanted to say I know about the baby thing, and the… you two thing and I just wanted to reach out. Especially after Friday night.”

Tooru openly laughed at that one. Funny! “Yeaaah, okay well this is uncharacteristic of you so do you mind telling me why you decide to reach out now when it’s been, oh how many years? Around five? With you barely communicating to me. Now something happens to me, that I can actually handle alone and is honestly for my greater good as well as hers and any poor children we may have had- so why are you really here?” Tooru panted slightly, he really didn’t mean for his word vomit to be like that, to be difficult and annoying and desperately  _ himself. _

Hajime glared at him, like really glared. The kind of glare he saved for opponents, for bad people. Tooru felt like a kid as he sunk inward.

“I’m here, you idiot, because I was trying to be the bigger person and actually have a conversation with you about Miko and try to be a friend- To fix things. I called you like twenty times and you never picked up! I got worried, I thought you were alone...”

Tooru rolled his eyes, “You’re full of bullshit. I doubt you’d wanna rebuild anything because  _ Miko  _ talked to you. I don’t even know why I let you in, if you actually wanted to rebuild something, then you wouldn’t bang on my door at- well God knows how early.” He gestured to the window, which betrayed him as it presented a bright sunny day. It was around dinner time actually, and Naeko’s keys were gone, she and Takeru were probably shopping for something edible to make into a meal, his fridge only had condiments at the moment.

Hajime snapped him out of the distracting subject of food. "I was never good enough for you" He was furious.

"Where did you ever get that idea from?" Tooru asked, truly confused.

"You constantly acted like you didn't need me, like you didn't need anyone, sitting on the bench during time outs- that's not cool, that was rude and showed everyone just how far up your ass your head was! Then you go and worry me by ignoring my calls!"

"What the fuck?! First of all you  _ know _ why I did that all the time, you knew my nerves worse than me, second of all there is absolutely nothing that I have done that ever indicated in any sort of way to a sane person that you weren't good enough for me! Plus- you ignored me for  _ years. _ "

"Then why'd you keep overworking yourself huh? Like a fucking idiot you made it to where you could never play volleyball again, you ruined everything we had built together!"

"I had to fucking work that hard because unlike you, and seemingly every other god damn player in Japan, I wasn't born to be talented at anything! I wasn't born a prodigy like Tobio, and I didn't-"

"I can't believe you are such a stupid insecure idiot! You had everything! The magazines, the attention, how much more did you need? Because I have all of that shit now- without  _ you. _ Maybe I'd have gotten better faster if I wasn't caring for you the entire time! Because no matter what I fucking said to you, you chose to ignore me, nothing I said could ever have made you actually believe that you were talented, that you didn't need to destroy your body Shittykawa!"

"No, you can't act like you treated me well, you didn't even wanna be around me! You can’t call me these stupid names that you’ve always used just to be a dick to me, we are not close anymore! You abandoned me as a friend! You never wanted to be my real friend. You just didn't wanna break a habit, you stuck around because you're too mean to make any friends and I was your only one. Then you got some sense and realized I was never good enough for you. That you could go further without me. You told me to fuck off the day I quit."

"Because you already did fuck off! You. Left. Me. You left, you quit, when I should've been better for you, you left and… I let you over work yourself too much in highschool. Then- then I was angry at myself and angry at you because you're fucking smart okay? And then I got distracted when we were recruited and I let you hurt yourself again and then you quit on me."

"You left me alone. I had to quit because every single doctor told me to- and the trainers wouldn't let me go back until it got better and it just wasn't getting better. You left me, I didn't need a mommy Hajime, I needed a friend."

"It's always been about what you need isn't it? Well maybe if you had paid any attention to anyone besides yourself you'd have realized that I needed things too." Hajime looked like he was about to cry. He even looked guilty.

"You were my best friend in the entire world. Why didn't you just ask?" He paused and watched as Hajime looked to the ground. "See? I wasn't good enough. You left because you saw that I was dead weight to you, and look, I'm not mad that you did what was better for yourself. I'm mad that you won't just admit it. Stop acting like I'm redeemable."

"I would've walked off a building for you Tooru. But there comes a time when you can't keep pretending."

"I never pretended to-"

"I loved you."

"I know-"

"No you fucking don't. Or maybe you do, but only through the haze of fucking beer or vodka or whatever you stole from your parents liquor cabinet."

"I- I knew you loved me, we were like brothers."

"No, I didn't love you like a brother you idiot. You really don't remember huh?"

"Just tell me what you're talking about"

"You were my first kiss. You'd get drunk. You would kiss me. You'd drink even more, and you'd forget by the next day. You wonder why I haven't talked to you for almost a year? You kissed me at New Years just when I thought I had gotten over you." Tears streamed down Hajime’s cheeks. Tooru hadn’t seen him cry since their graduation.

"No…" Tooru struggled to breathe, to make his brain form words.

"Yeah. So now tell me who wasn't good enough." Hajime’s gaze was cold and hard.

"I-"

"Shut up. Just shut up. All I wanted from you was your friendship. You're the one who made it go further for me. You're the one who hurt me. And even now I fucking miss you. I miss your tosses. Volleyball isn't the same and everyone can tell. Fucking Tanaka, who is less dense than I give him credit for I guess- could tell and that's why he dragged me to you… Well I'm done being the pawn in everyone's sick games. I never want to see you ever again."

"No, Wait! You saw what happened to Naeko, how would've my parents reacted to… To me being- which I'm not, but…"

"You really are dense. Why do you think they emphasized marriage so much to you? They shoved Hetero shit down your throat, they knew. Whether they were subconsciously doing it or if their puny brains are smart enough to do it continuously- they knew."

Tooru was still standing his ground, feet planted there as if he would hit a mine if he made any movements. He gasped as the tears started to dampen his cheeks, red from yelling. He trembled and finally let himself collapse to the ground, a twinge of pain shocked his knee but that wasn't new. What was new were the sobs tearing their way through his body, which seemed so incredibly small to Hajime, laying on the ground like that. 

He cried like a baby. He cried when Hajime yelled at him to stop, he cried when Hajime sat beside him, when he held him, when he carried him to the sofa, he cried until his voice was gone and he felt thoroughly exhausted. They laid like that, quietly, for a long time, until the sun started to set and cast rainbows through the remnants of rain clouds.

Hajime laced his fingers through Oikawa's hair, so soft and perfect.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry…"

Hajime stayed silent.

"I don't know what to do. I don't know how to fix any of this, I haven't known for years but please-"

"We'll fix it…"

Tooru held his breath. 

"We have to start somewhere. We just have to pick up all the pieces of everything we broke."

"Some things are irreparable…"

"I just have some questions… Like actual questions, not ones that’ll make us argue.”

“You mean to tell me you don’t want to start another fight Shi- Oikawa?”

“I didn’t start the last one, that’s for sure.” He smiled to soften his words, gently reaching up to touch his hand to Hajime’s.

“What’re your questions?”

“... We’ve been out of touch for so long… what’s volleyball like? I miss it.”

“Well, it’s actually been shit lately. I’m doing great as a player and all, but… something’s missing. It’s kind of the reason I think Tanaka set up that dinner.”

“What do you mean to say Iwa?”

“I miss your sets. I miss Seijoh too. I miss the bond of setter and ace…” He shrugged.

“I miss it too…” Tooru squeezed his eyes shut. “I should’ve listened to you. I thought you were getting so good… I wanted to be a starter, I shouldn’t have overworked myself.”

Hajime tightened his hold on Tooru, strong arms reunited with his better half. “I should have protected you… I got distracted. I thought you thought less of me, that everyone did because I relied on your sets so much. I wanted to prove that I could do it alone… Then I got involved with Mizoguchi.”

Tooru felt a twinge of pain in his heart. “Mizoguchi…? Is that why you- for a lack of better words- were an utter asshole when I had to quit?”

“He convinced me that I had to stop being your friend, that everyone would think higher of me if I proved myself, that you thought you were better than me.”

Tooru tensed slightly “Oh…”

Hajime inhaled deeply, shuddering against Tooru as he did so. “But that was the stupidest thing I ever did… It wasn’t a great  _ arrangement _ . Between us… He uh… he was a bad guy, but I got a lot of favors career wise because of him. So I really didn’t do it myself.”

Tooru cupped Hajime’s cheek “You did do it though, you’re one of the-” His voice cracked “Top players - top  _ athletes _ in Japan. I’m so  _ proud  _ of you. You did that, and fuck Mizoguchi, he isn’t making headlines.”

Hajime smirked “He resigned actually. Workplace harassment charges…”

“I’m so sorry that… that I let myself get hurt. I wasn’t there for you either… I understand what you meant now.”

“Yeah well… it’s over now.” He sighed and held Tooru tightly again. 

“I’ve loved you since we were young Hajime. I’m sorry… that it took so long to tell you.”

Hajime’s breath hitched. 

Tooru giggled and poked his cheek “Loss for words?”

Hajime kissed him.

Tooru kissed him back, sober, for the first time ever.

🌼

**All at Once.**

Hajime could tell Naeko was more than a little peeved as Tooru talked to her on the phone. They sat together in Hajime’s apartment, needing a space a little less messy and a little more private than a two bedroom apartment that already had two guests.

_ “So I bought all these fresh groceries after you ate all of my other groceries- which I cooked for you, and now you’re going to bail on me when I was going to treat you to your favorite meal?” _

Tooru bit his lip. “Um… yes. Please. Just- Just save the leftovers please?!”

_ “Takeru is a growing boy. Milk bread isn’t forever To-chan.” _

“I’m not a Toe!”

_ “You’re right, you’re an ass. Sometimes a dick.” She sighed into the receiver “I should tell you, I got a call from mom today. Do you wanna hear about it now? If it’s not a good time I’ll wait.” _

“I- I guess now?” He met Hajime’s concerned expression with his own confused one.

_ “Miko’s parents contacted her. They found out about the breakup.” _

“O-oh… Well it’s not her business, I don’t have to explain it to her.”

_ “I agree, I agree  _ **_completely,_ ** _ but I’m just warning you. She reached out to me before you so she’s probably really angry. I was cordial, don’t worry, and I just told her that I am not in the place to answer any of her questions. Dad’s either.” She sighed again “I’m really sorry, it was overwhelming hearing her voice again and I didn’t think it was my business to tell her anything, but now she’s going to want to talk to you and I know you don’t need that right now, I’m really-” _ __  
  


“Naeko, Naeko! You’re okay, I’m not angry or upset with you, I get it-” His voice wavered, “Th-thank you for warning me. I gotta go… love you.” ****

_ “I love you too. Please take care.” _

“What happened…?” Hajime looked up at Tooru with wide eyes.

Tooru leaned against the wall, placing his phone in his hoodie pocket. “My mom knows about the breakup… She’s gonna tell my father…”

“Tooru, why should that matter?” Hajime started to rise from his seat.

Tooru glared “You’ve forgotten? My parents are the worst people in the world, they’re gonna be disappointed in me, they’re gonna yell at me, I really don’t think I can handle that, plus…” He looked down with a pained expression “What if they know why she broke up with me?”

Hajime’s mouth fell open “They’ll…” He quickly shut his mouth and shook his head “You’re a grown man, they have no power over you, it’s not they’ll know we kissed-”

Tooru stormed across the room and grabbed his keys and wallet “Stop, we didn’t kiss. I never came over. We’re not a thing, we’re not friends, we’re not starting over.”

Hajime followed the distraught man “What?! After all we just talked through? You can’t be serious, you’re not leaving again-”

Tooru held his hands up “Don’t come any closer to me! My father is a very important man in my industry and if he chooses to, he can crush my entire career. Everything that I built for myself, everything I have created  _ without _ you! This is all I have for myself, for my livelihood, I can’t let it go, I can’t-”

Hajime placed his hands on Tooru’s shoulders, trying to steady the trembling man “Please, breathe, it’s not going to be that bad-”

Tooru squirmed away from him, his breathing picking up “No no no… I- I don’t know-” His head whipped around and he looked at Hajime, tears beginning to stream down his face “You're going to forget about me. You’re going to carry on with your career and forget about me, please. You'll have a wife and children and I'll be a distant memory. You'll think of me from time to time but each time the image in your mind will grow distant from what I truly was. You'll forget what it was like, and I want it that way. The sooner we cut contact the sooner you will forget. Please Hajime, you built your life without me, and I’ve built mine without you-”

Tooru’s phone buzzed in his pocket, Hajime lunged forward, wrestling Tooru’s hands away from his own body.

Tooru cried out in protest as Hajime shoved his hand into the pocket of the hoodie, he pulled the phone out and threw it across the room. It landed safely on the suede sofa, but Tooru yelped again and tried to follow it as Hajime wrestled him back, scrambling to dodge elbow jabs and reign in the panicked man.

“I have to answer her, Hajime please!” Tooru kicked at Hajime’s shins. His elbows were no longer of any use as Hajime had them restrained as he hugged Tooru from behind.

“You don’t need to tell her anything! Your dad isn’t going to destroy your career, they don’t even know about us!”

Tooru finally pulled away and hissed at him “There is no  _ us _ ! I don’t need you! You’re not the one keeping a roof over my head!”

“Neither is he, and I could be you know! I-I could be!”

Tooru’s phone stopped buzzing. By now his mother would be leaving a voicemail to call her back or awaiting a beak in her day to call him again herself. 

Tooru stared at Hajime “What?”

Hajime took a deep breath and slowly let it out before beginning. “You could move in with me.”

“I’d be out of a job-”

“You could do coaching. There’s plenty of schools, hell you could even assist a coach of a V. League team, you have all the references, you interview well too.”

“Hajime-”

A tentative knock sounded at the door. Tooru froze, wanting to hide in lieu of seeing who it was. Hajime slowly made his way for the door, carefully placing every step as to not make noise and alert their mystery guest to their presence.

He visibly relaxed when he recognized the stranger. Tooru shouted in protest as he opened the door, only to be surprised to see Miko standing there.

“Miko? What’re you doing here?”

Miko’s previous expression of concern pulled into a frown and a raised brow. “Me? My parents live in this building asshole. I could ask the same for you.”

Hajime looked at Tooru, who’s cheeks were still damp from tears and body still trembling from his near panic attack. 

Tooru gulped. “You told your parents about our breakup.”

Miko’s face returned to its concerned countenance “That’s why I came here… I didn’t expect them to call your mother, I swear, it really wasn’t my intention-”

“I could lose my job Miko! You-you know how my parents are-"

Miko stepped into the apartment and immediately wrapped Tooru into a hug, not even bothering to kick off her shoes.

Hajime watched Tooru melt upon the short woman, his shoulders curling inward as he pressed his face into the messily crafted bun atop her head.

His heart ached, seeing this virtual stranger, a woman who has only known the golden boy for what- three years? Two? -Be able to soothe his anxiety and embrace him.

"It'll be okay Ru-ru…" She ran a hand over his back, the other through his hair. "I swear… I'm sorry, I didn't know." As her brows drew together, tears seeped out of her eyes, sneakily at first, then more confident as they slipped up and over her eyelashes.

Hajime couldn't see Tooru's face.

Tooru finally pulled away from Miko. He sniffled, "I didn't mean to cry like this, I'm sorry…"

Miko rolled her eyes "You didn't do anything wrong… Just… Scratch what I said before. If you need me… I will be here for you." She glanced at Hajime "And my parents," she sighed "They're not like yours, they aren't mad about Hajime being himself. They're just mad that things didn't work… I disappointed them too."

Tooru wiped his eyes "I just can't handle this anymore. I honestly hate my job, making people like me just so I can get a damn sale, talking to people in the industry just to get their business- I'm just tired of having my parents expectations on my shoulders!" 

Hajime frowned "Then quit. Miko left you. That was the hard part. Now you can do anything. Block your parents number, do whatever you need but  _ please, never _ and I mean  _ never _ take another step without you by side."

Miko and Tooru looked at Hajime, surprise on their faces. Miko melted into a warm smile, first at Hajime, then at Tooru.

"Ru-ru, let go. Just let him in."

Tooru stepped forward, towards Hajime, slowly at first, but then all at once.

**Author's Note:**

> I will be writing an epilogue, just know that Kiyoko and Tanaka end up purchasing Hajime's childhood home, Takeru makes off with the good blanket, and Miko decides to go to therapy.


End file.
